Even silences have voices, and he so badly wanted to fill them with her laughter. Kaelith chuckled and Lorcan looked shocked at him.
So this was vulnerability. So this was how she felt. This was how it felt to feel dying alive.
Another chuckle left his mouth along with a single lone tear from his eyes as he looked up as if he was begging god.
CHAPTER 81
Two weeks later
No matter if I am alive or not, you must always be with me, residing inside me. If I were to face death, my only wish is to spend my final moments in your arms, Amara. Whenever the rain troubles you, consider me as the raindrops. And when the warmth of the sun touches your feet, know that it is my essence within those sun rays.
Kaelith gripped the pen tightly in his hand, his eyes staring in darkness and he watched the stars dissipating behind the clouds in the dark sky. His heart was heavy and his eyes blurred with unshed tears.
The chords of his heart were broken, his nights were sleepless. Yet he couldn't stop recalling the last look of panic and concern on her face. He should be happy that she felt something for him, but at what cost? On the verge of losing her...
Whom I should ask, Amara? You are not here. Where do I search for your touches of laughter, this world is filled with silences. Where do I find happiness, Amara, when you are not here? I don't know how many times I have counted the differences in life. Why have dreams made a permanent residence in my eyes? That fate crumbles me in its hand without any reason. I don't know if you'll ever read this, or I'd be able to tell you this but remember me by your name.
I couldn't see any path. There is no path without you. In this loneliness. Walking alongside me is the smoke of memories. I can't be in love with you because if I was in love with you, I wouldn't had lost you again. I do feel for you, baby.
Kaelithbithislipshard.Thecloudsthunderedliketheskieswereroaringwithhim.Heheardlight footsteps behind him but laid no mind before scribbling on the diary as his hands shook.
I feel like a thunderstorm and you're like the flower trying to grow. I gave you water but I drowned you I try to teach you but I blow you down. I realised something today, Amara, sometimes you just need a little sun. I am sorry I couldn’t protect you.
Kaelith swallowed hard as he felt his throat tightening. A wrecked sob escaped his lips as he let out an agonizing scream. Pulling at his hair he shook his head.
He was going insane. He needed to see her yet he knew he did not deserve to see her.One last time! Please god one last time! One glance!
Iwanttoseeher. Shecan'tleavelikethis. IpromisejustoneglanceandI'llleave her alone.
Kaelith felt a hand on his shoulder as his whole body shook violently.
“Kael…”
"Even her silence, I'll hear her silence even if it means she lives. I can bargain my soul for her.”
“I know you can.”
Lorcan gazed down at Kaelith, he felt something deep within him breaking, mirroring the elder's own shattered state. Yet, despite this painful realization, both of them remained confined, just like all the others. Though his hands were still shaking. Instead, his entire being was consumed by thoughts of her. Surprisingly, a surge of disappointment replaced herprevious simmering anger. With his cruelty of killing Abigail, his once blazing fury transformed into a sinister kind of malice. Even as his mansion succumbed to flames, reduced to mere ashes and dust, it remained insufficient to quell the raging storm inside them.
The satisfaction and pleasure he thought after killing Francis and his son would wash over him was nowhere. Instead, he was empty.
It had been two weeks and yet he was not able to cope with the fact that Amara was shot.
He knew Kaelith was the stoic man. He felt bothered sharing his emotions. He had always been like this—reserved and careful. Even with himself. Lorcan had never seen him this vulnerable. Even when others expressed their sorrows and anger, Kaelith hid his emotions under the chilled teasing. No matter how much he pretended to be all chill with Amara’s sudden arrival, he knew Kaelith was scared behind that stoic face.
He was afraid of not only losing her but to knowing she was close yet so far. What was this that was there between him and her? Like some unseen, unheard story. Now life had started looking blank, every breath also seemed blank. So painful it hurt to even take a single breath.
Lorcan swallowedhard.
"Do you think she is in my destiny?" Without her, there was a pricking in the winds. A dark loneliness was covering him. The destinations were getting lost in the paths. Every prayer of his had gone unheard now. He did not have what he wanted anymore. This life seemed so useless.
Lorcan blinked at the diary in his palm.
"Do you believe in love?"
He asked as Kaelith let out a deep sigh.
"I did not in believed in so many things, yet it happened. Do you think it matters if we believe in love or not? Cause even hate can be called love when done with everything you have."
