Chapter 9
Bundled up against the cold, with fresh cups of coffee in hand, they headed out for a walk. As they passed a snow-covered playing field, Ryan gave Anna a boyish smile before he handed her his coffee and took off running with Samson through the snow. The dog barked in delight as Ryan played with him, tossing snowballs, and chasing him around in circles. Anna stood to the side taking it all in. She had never expected to find such happiness when she returned to Portland. Her only thoughts had been about escaping Tim, trying to put enough distance between them, and desperately wanting to start over. Yet here she was, with a man who’d made her experience more joy in the last twenty-four hours than she had thought possible. For the first time in a long time, she felt safe, cared for, and excited for what might come next.
Anna laughed at the sight of Ryan, looking incredibly sexy in his jeans, hoodie and down vest, running after Samson. His nose was red, his eyes bright with energy and joy as man and dog raced around. Ryan’s natural athleticism was evident in his quick maneuvers and sheer speed.
As she watched Samson leap around Ryan’s legs in sheer delight, Anna noticed some kids arrive with a soccer ball. They kicked it around for a moment, until it rolled over to Ryan. She was amazed to see him kick the ball up in the air with some fancy footwork, bouncing it easily between his feet even on the slippery, snowy ground.He looks like a professional…
She was too far away to hear his words, but watched as he brought the ball back to the kids. They were animated in whatever they said to him, as he first gestured to her, then seemed to agree to whatever they had asked. Anna wandered over to see what was going on, just in time to hear the kids and Ryan laugh as he tried to teach them some tricks with the ball. She clipped Samson on to his leash and hung back, content to watch Ryan in his element, playing soccer with some kids.
After a while, Ryan said goodbye to the kids, with fist bumps and high fives all around. He came over to Anna and slung his arm over her shoulder before pressing a loud kiss to the side of her head.
“Sorry about that, but those kids—man, they were fun,” he said.
Anna looked up at the exhilaration on Ryan’s face. “It’s no problem. They were loving every minute. You’re incredible to watch with a soccer ball!”
A rueful look came into Ryan’s eyes. “Yeah, well, soccer has always been my real passion in life. I love messing around with a ball.”
Before Anna could ask him why he was running a bar instead of following his passion, she remembered what he had said on their walk around downtown. Something had made Ryan give up his dream. She opened her mouth to try and get him to tell her more, but Ryan changed direction, and pulled her toward some low buildings at the end of the field.
“Come on, sweetheart. Let me take you out to lunch. This place has the best Reuben you’ve ever had, and they’re dog friendly so Samson can come inside.”
Aware that he didn’t seem inclined to talk any more about soccer, Anna let it go—for now. Still, she knew all too well what it felt like to abandon your dreams. Then and there she decided to try and help Ryan somehow find his way back to soccer. After all, he was helping her find her joy again, why could she not try to do the same for him?
* * *
“Wow, you weren’t exaggerating; this sandwich is incredible. How did you find this place?”
“I’ve always liked the smaller places, the restaurants that feel like home. That’s what Jake and I tried to create at The Lucky Strike. A place that was just chill and relaxed.” Ryan shrugged modestly.
“You’ve certainly done that, the bar is amazing and obviously people love it.” Anna’s budding curiosity could no longer be contained, but she knew she had to tread lightly. “What made you decide to open a bar in the first place?”
Settling back in his chair, a wistful smile crept over Ryan’s face and his eyes grew distant, as he lost himself in memories. “Ah, that’s quite the story. I never imagined I would be my own boss that’s for damn sure. The only reason I have the career, the life, I have now is because of Jake. He helped me find a way out of a shitty situation. He’s my best friend, my partner, hell, pretty much my savior. You remember I told you the other day, I had to give up my dream?” Anna nodded. “I guess it’s time you heard the whole story. I met Jake in our first year of college. I was there on a soccer scholarship, headed for the major leagues—or so I thought. We ended up as roommates in the freshmen dorms. He was a cool guy, so it was easy to become buddies. We ruled that dorm.”
Ryan paused, took a drink of water and chuckled. “Those were the days. I was playing soccer and skating through easy classes; Jake was busting his ass in business school. Our nights were filled with parties, girls, and nothing but good times. We had our goals, and nothing was going to stand in our way. We thought we were fucking untouchable.”
Anna leaned forward, eager to hear more. Somehow, she understood she was getting a glimpse into Ryan’s past that not many people knew. His bravado and playful attitude hid layers of emotion and pain, that she was now starting to see.
“Then one day, one stupid rainy day my junior year, everything changed.” Ryan was silent for a moment before he went on in a low voice. “The field was muddy and slippery. It was just a regular practice, but my teammate and I collided at just the wrong angle. He was moving to kick the ball and kicked my knee instead. The doc said I blew all the ligaments so completely, there would be no coming back even with surgery. The knee would never be stable enough to play at the level I was headed for.”
Anna’s heart broke at the pain evident in Ryan’s voice. She ached with wanting to hold him; to take away his sorrow both now, and back then as a young man devastated by the painful end to his dreams.
At a loss as to what words could possibly provide comfort, she gave in to her instincts and went around the table before sitting down in his lap. If the look of surprise on his face was any indication, it was the right move.
She tried to inject some lightness into the mood. “I’m sure you were one sexy soccer player, but if it’s any consolation… you’re pretty hot behind a bar too.”
Anna pressed her lips to his, in what was intended to be a sweet, flirtatious kiss. It was only a second before Ryan’s arms tightened around her waist, and he deepened the embrace into something far more heated. Behind the heat, was a desperation that she could feel bleeding through. A desperation for support, for comfort, maybe even for love?
As soon as that thought hit her, she pulled back. Love? No way, she wasn’t ready for that. And Ryan himself had always said he didn’t do relationships, and love certainly meant a relationship. No, she needed to move away from the L word immediately. Even if the idea of letting herself fully commit to Ryan, and having him fully commit to her, was extremely enticing.
Determined to keep the conversation going, and to force her own thoughts to move on, she asked, “So, tell me more. How did you go from soccer star to sexiest bartender alive?”
Ryan’s arms were rigid around her waist, anchoring her in place. It was as if he unconsciously needed her near him to get through whatever he was about to say.
“After my knee went, I hit a bad place. Without soccer, there was nothing in my life to give me structure, or meaning, or fuck, even an identity. Who was I if I wasn’t Ryan Carlisle the soccer star? I was lost. I pulled away from everyone. Dropped out of school, ignored my mom and my brother for weeks. Jake was living off campus by then and he let me crash on his couch. There were days where I didn’t even bother getting dressed. I was seriously fucked up.” Ryan winced, looking at Anna sheepishly. “Sorry, Anna. I know this isn’t exactly giving you the best impression of me. It’s way too soon, in whatever this is between us, for me to be telling you all about my crazy breakdown.”
Anna grabbed his face, forcing his gaze to hers. “Now you listen to me. Your feelings and your experiences do not make you crazy. There is absolutely nothing wrong with my impression of you. Got it?” She pressed a firm kiss to his lips again, trying to cement her words into his mind. “Now keep going. You hit rock bottom at some point obviously, and Jake helped?”
Ryan looked at her in wonder. “You just keep on surprising me. Damn you have a big heart. Yeah, after a few months I was a mess. Hungover most days, and let me tell you the hangover from alcohol and painkillers? Not fun. I knew I needed to figure my life out but had no clue what to do next. Anyway, Jake was working on this assignment for school. A business plan, and he made his for a brew pub. His grandfather encouraged him to make the pub a reality, and somehow Jake convinced me to join him. Honestly, I think he asked me during that time of my hangover I would agree to any wild idea. We started to spend our nights dreaming up plans for the pub. We decided I would take the lead on the bartending, so I threw myself into that. Took all kinds of classes, studied up on different drinks, Jake and I even took some beer making courses just in case we ever decided to have our own custom brew. He convinced me to join him bartending at a place on campus. I fucking loved being around people again. The energy, the… ah, female attention…”
