When I finally float back to reality, Mac has his arms wrapped around me and I’m tucked against his naked body. His cock is rock hard, laying against his stomach. I lift myself up and over his legs to straddle him, taking him in my hands as I line him up with my entrance.
“I have an IUD. Are you clean?” I hate that I have to ask. I hate that eleven years has gone by and I don’t know if Mac is safe.
He just nods and I slowly lower my body onto him, taking him inside of me inch by inch. Our groans intermingle in the silence as my body stretches to accommodate him in a way that it hasn’t for a very long time.
Mac doesn’t move at first, he lets me take control. I’ve always loved that about him; he has an alpha side, but he also a sensitive side that enjoys letting me be in charge of our pleasure. The give and take in our lovemaking hasn’t changed, and it’s my turn now to make sure Mac gets exactly what he needs.
I start to rock my hips, using my hands on his chest to brace myself. Mac reaches up to tangle his fingers in my hair, a soft smile on his face as he watches me move. Slowly I pick up speed, then bring it back down. It’s a dance, a seductive tango between our bodies that I’m leading.
I’m already primed from my first orgasm, so I can feel another one building quickly. It’s always been this way with Mac, I thought it was normal to come twice or even three times in one session. I realized just how wrong I was when I struggled to reach even one orgasm with anyone else.
I want Mac to come with me this time, so I lean back, and grind down onto him, thrusting my breasts up to the sky. He’s always loved my breasts and sure enough, he lets out a feral growl when he sees them on display and his hands come around to cup them. His thumbs work over my nipples and it becomes increasingly harder for me to hold back on my own release.
Thankfully I don’t have to wait long. I can feel him growing impossibly harder inside of me and if there was ever any question that he was about to lose control, what he says to me next eradicates any doubt.
“Fuck, Tawny, I’m gonna come babe, you feel like heaven and I’m gonna come so hard.” His voice is taut with tension and his hips lift to meet mine as he moves with me.
“Mac, Mac, Mac, now please Mac, oh God Mac, now!” I gasp and plead with him. He grabs my hips and takes over, thrusting up into me with such passion, such power, that my cries echo around the room as I explode. His name the only thing I can say over and over again. Then he’s coming, and I can feel him filling me, I can hear his groan of release, and the way he just keeps sayingJesus, T. Fuck. Tawny.Until we collapse onto each other, a tangled mess of sweaty limbs.
Lying there in the afterglow should feel amazing, shouldn’t it? This is normally a time of intimacy and connection after two people have come together. But something’s off, like there’s still a small wall between us.
He was right earlier, we should have talked before having sex and figured out what we both want. It’s not enough to just admit our mistakes and that we still love each other. There are too many years of heartache between us. I need to get away from it, from him, and figure out what this means, what’s happening. I climb out of bed, not looking at Mac. Grabbing the first pieces of clothing I can find, I stumble into the bathroom and turn on the shower.
I should have known better than to expect Mac to give me space. He’s always been in tune with my emotions and can tell when I’m upset from a mile away. I’m really not surprised when the shower door opens and he steps inside, his hands coming to rest gently on my hips. I turn around under the spray and look up at him to see vulnerability and uncertainty etched on his face.
I lift up on my toes, unable to stop myself from kissing him. His grip on me tightens and he pulls me in close. The hot water pours down over both of us and it would be so easy to get lost in this moment, in him again. But I can’t let myself go there once more, so I take a step back, placing my hand on his chest.
“We should talk. You were right.”
Mac looks at me and then nods quickly. He doesn’t say another word, just grabs my shampoo and begins to wash my hair, his strong hands massaging my scalp. He’s taking care of me, reinforcing his love and our connection with every touch. When we’re done, I step out first and pass him a towel. We dry ourselves in silence, then Mac walks into my bedroom and pulls on his jeans. Only his jeans. Sweet baby jesus he’s going commando and with that happy trail of chest hair leading down to the bulge in his pants, I’m suddenly salivating.
No, Tawny. Talk first.I silently reprimand myself. You can’t erase a decade of pain with sex.
Once I’m dressed, I take his hand and lead him into my kitchen. I pour us both a glass of water and the silence between us continues. Maybe it should be awkward, but its not. It’s comfortable, and easy, like our souls know that we don’t need words right now. It’s enough to just be together.
Eventually, we make it to the couch and sit down at opposite ends. But even still, Mac needs to be touching me. He grabs my feet and swings my legs up so that I’m stretched out on the couch and my feet are in his lap. He flashes me a smile and I suddenly remember a time when we were sitting in this very room as teenagers, watching a movie, and he did that same move. My feet in his lap was as affectionate as we ever got in front of my family and I can recall the thrill of having his hands on my body.
“So…” he begins. I take a sip of water and try to calm my nerves. This conversation is crucial for us if we want to move forward.
“Clearly, we haven’t lost our chemistry,” he shoots me a wry grin. “And I for one can’t wait to dothatagain. But there needs to be more than just great sex between us, Tawny. I love you and somehow you still love me. I don’t take that for granted and I sure as shit don’t want to mess this up again.”
I smile, my heart warming to hear him say he loves me. Those words I never thought I’d hear again.
“Same. I don’t know how we got so lucky as to get a second chance, but I don’t want to lose you again,” I say, and the truth of that rings in my ears.
“That means you have to trust me, T. And talk to me if you’re worried or confused. You can’t shut me out.” Mac’s voice hardens slightly, letting me know that there’s still pain lingering under the surface between us.
I instinctively sit up straighter and go to pull my legs off his lap to create space between us. But his hand traps them there.
“Don’t pull away from me, not now, please,” he asks softly, and I relax again.
“Sorry,” I whisper. “I don’t want to. And I know I shouldn’t have back then. It wasn’t fair of me not to give you a chance to explain and I don’t know how I’ll ever forgive myself for that.”
Tears are building behind my eyes again. Damn it. I thought I was done crying about this. Mac senses my emotions and in one smooth motion he’s pulled my body onto his lap and is cradling me close.
“Tawny, babe, it’s not your fault. Not entirely. Don’t take this on your shoulders without sharing it with me, okay? We both screwed up. And now we can both fix it and move on. That’s what I want, is that what you want?” His eyes are searching mine and I can see his love shining there. It’s enough to calm my heart.
“I know it’s not all my fault, Mac. And of course, I want to fix it and move forward with you, I just hate that we missed out on so much.” I bite my lip before taking a deep breath and asking the question that has been plaguing me since he showed up on my doorstep earlier. “Our lives are so different now. You live on the mainland and I’m here. How can this even work?”
