But what’s happening to Orson is also a reminder ofwhyI don’t let anyone get close to me.
Because as soon as they’re close, they can hurt you. And you never know when it’s going to happen. Everything can be going great for years and then your parent can die, your partner can leave you, or your team can drop you.
And you’re left alone.
I’m so tired of being alone.
Chapter thirty-three
Sadie
Tonight. He’ll be home tonight.
There was a strange energy coming from Maverick when we talked yesterday. I assumed it was because they lost their game and probably won’t make the playoffs, but it seemed like more than just that. A wall was between us, a wall I didn’t even notice until I hung up and realized there was none of the usual softness in his words. NoI miss you.Nothing.
But finally, in just a few hours, I can see him in person and figure out if I’m making a bigger deal out of this than I should.
Honestly, I didn’t expect him being away for so long to be this hard. But Maverick is someone who says so much without words that having to relyonlyon words was incredibly challenging. And as much as I don’t want to think too hard about the future, not when it feels so uncertain, I can’t help but worry about how we would manage an entire season of this, of him traveling half the time and me staying at home.
But that’s a future problem, and I have no desire to face it now. Not when I’d much rather be getting ready for his return.
The apartment is clean and the fridge is stocked with everything I need to make him a delicious dinner later tonight. Ali invited me over for dinner yesterday, but I declined, not wanting to put my nervous energy on her.
Why I’m nervous is another thing I have no desire to face.
When a knock comes at the door, it makes me jump. Going to it, I look through the peephole, and am shocked to see Eli standing there. His head is hanging down, but his clothes look clean. Still, I’m acutely aware that Maverick isn’t on his way home from the stadium just yet. I’m here alone and will be for several more hours.
I open the door a crack. “Hi, Eli,” I say cautiously.
“Sadie. Hey.” He looks at me then, and his eyes are clear, although tired-looking. Dark circles ring them and his cheeks seem hollow. “Is Mav around?” he asks hopefully, his face falling when I shake my head. Something seems different with him this time.
“Okay. Thanks.” He turns to leave and I open the door more.
“Wait.”
He looks over his shoulder at me, confusion clear in his expression.
“Do you want to go get a coffee?”
I don’t know why I’m asking this. Well, part of me doesn’t. The other part knows exactly what I’m doing. I see a man hurting, in need of something. And if I can help, I will. Just not here.
“Sure?” he replies, half question, half statement.
I give him a sharp nod. “Okay. Give me two minutes.” I close the door and lock it quietly before hurrying to grab a sweater, my keys, and phone, stuffing them in my bag. Slipping intomy shoes, I open the door again, half expecting to find an empty hallway. But Eli’s still there, twisting his hands together.
“Are you sure my brother will be okay with this?” he blurts out, and that one question, asked with so much genuine concern — not for himself, but for me — gives me the confirmation this is the right thing to do. He needs someone to hear him out right now.
“Yes. It’s just coffee. I’m buying.”
We silently make our way to the coffee shop next to Maverick’s apartment, and after ordering and paying for our drinks, we sit down at a small table.
I wait. One thing I know from my previous work is not to push things. He came to Maverick’s apartment for a reason, just as he agreed to have coffee with me for a reason. And I’m not scared. He’s not behaving as if he’s under the influence of anything. All I see is a man calling out for help.
His hands shake slightly when he sets down his coffee cup, finally lifting his head to look at me. “How much has Mav told you about me?”
I answer honestly. “Not much. I’d heard your name once or twice, but it wasn’t until the last time you came around that he told me who you were.”
Sadness plays across his face. “Yeah. Brothers from another mother. That’s what we called ourselves when we were younger. Young and stupid, I guess. Promised to always be there for each other and shit.” He barks out a harsh laugh. “You don’t go through the shit we did, with parents who’d rather drink and hit us, and not bond somehow. Mav, he…well, yeah. It was shit. I was the youngest. So he and Colin aged out of the system beforeme. Funny how that promise to be there for each other didn’t hold up in the real world.”
