But I’m not so pathetic as to believe that’s a good enough reason to marry a man I don’t love.
All of my anxiety spirals are leading to the same conclusion. I need to end my engagement.
I drop down into an open chair with a thump.
“Well, hello to you, too,” Willow says, pushing a glass of wine over toward me. “Drink?”
“God, yes.” I pick it up and take a long swallow.
Sadie leans forward, a concerned expression clear behind her glasses. “Are you okay?”
“If by okay, you mean exhausted from trying to keep up with the overbearing planning my mother and Cordelia are forcingme to be a part of? I honestly don’t know why they bother telling me anything when they’re just making decisions without my input, anyway.”
“They sound awful,” Sadie says, reaching out and covering my hand with hers, giving it a soft squeeze. “I’m sorry. Has there been any part of it you’ve enjoyed?”
“Cake tasting with Dan yesterday was fun,” I reply honestly. Then I catch Willow’s expression, eyebrows raised, questioning. “What?”
“Monty went cake tasting? Where was Baron?”
“He’s still on his work trip out east, and you couldn’t come. I didn’t want to go alone,” I reply defensively, taking another sip of wine.
“Mm-hmm.”
Her reply, and the small smirk, has me sagging against my chair in defeat. “What am I doing?”
“Besides marrying the wrong guy?” Willow fires back, earning a gasp from Sadie. “Hey, I’m not saying anything none of us aren’t already thinking. Right? You’re the one who said to us the night you told us you were engaged that you thought it was a mistake. So why the hell are you still going through with it?”
I drain my glass before answering. “If I could explain it in a way that doesn’t make me sound like a loser, I would. But I can’t. And yes, I know that only highlights the fact that I shouldn’t go through with it. I mean, who marries a guy just because he’s the only one to ever show interest?”
“But Monty…” Sadie starts, then abruptly stops. My brows furrow. I swear it looked like she got kicked. But why would Willow shut her up like that?
“There is no me and Monty. Dan is my friend and that’s it. He’s never once made a move for anything else.”
Willow reaches over casually to refill my glass before shooting her verbal arrow. A direct hit, straight to my heart. “Could that be because you’ve always been with Baron, and Monty’s a good man who doesn’t want to come between you two?”
I stare down at the ruby red liquid in my glass, uncomfortable with the raw truth of what Willow’s pointed out. Monty is a good man. The best. And he absolutely is the kind of man that would respect someone’s relationship, one hundred percent. But at the same time, if he truly had feelings beyond friendship for me, wouldn’t I have sensed, I don’t know, something?
“How did you and Baron get together?” Sadie asks quietly. I continue to stare into my glass, my mind tripping back in time to when Baron and I first became romantically involved.
“Through our parents, I guess you could say. Our fathers partnered to start their company when I was seventeen. He was two years older, and already in university, so we didn’t see much of each other for a few years. We didn’t have much in common, and despite our families’ connection, we didn’t exactly run in the same circles.” I laugh, remembering how I used to look at him and Felicity with disdain, in their perfectly pressed clothes, while I was covered in grass stains from playing soccer. “But when I was in university, things started to change. My mom and his started making comments about the two of us. About us being meant for each other, and how serendipitous it was that we were near the same age and our families were so close.”
“That sounds like a bad movie plot,” Willow remarks, and I look up with a wry smile.
“No kidding. I wish I was joking.” I let out a sigh, running my finger around the base of my wine glass as my smile softens. “But he was handsome, kind, and smart. When every other guy I met treated me like a friend, Baron was the only one to show interest in me as a woman. And at least, in the beginning, I was happy. I did fall for him, kinda quickly, if I’m honest. He was my first boyfriend, the guy I gave my virginity to. I started to buy into the idea of us being meant for each other, especially when I saw how happy my mother was to see us dating.”
“So what happened?” Sadie’s gentle voice prods me to continue.
I shrug. “I wish I knew. Things change, people change. The guy I fell for when I was younger became someone I didn’t love as much. We drifted apart, I guess. The intimacy stopped along with the affection. But you know, isn’t that how it goes with long-term relationships? The honeymoon phase doesn’t last forever.”
Willow snorts. “Speak for yourself. I don’t plan on letting the intimacy die off one bit with Ronan.”
I just barely stop myself from rolling my eyes. “Yeah, well, you two found unicorns with your men. Most of us have to make do with normal horses. No magical horns.”
We all break into giggles at my unplanned innuendo. But things quickly turn serious when Willow reaches one hand over to cover mine.
“Babe, we love you and respect your decision, no matter what,” Willow says, more gently now. “But I, for one, feel like I’ve kept my mouth shut for too long. And I regret that choice, because maybe if I had said something sooner, you wouldn’tbe in this shitty position. You’re settling for Baron, maybe because of your parents, but I think it’s because for some messed up reason, you don’t see how amazing you are, and how any man would be lucky to love you. You don’t need to marry him because you think you’ll never find someone else. You don’t need to marry him because it’s what everyone expects you to do. You don’t need to marry him, or anyone, unless you absolutely, without a doubt, love them and can’t imagine a life without them.”
Tears are forming in my eyes as she speaks, and when she finishes, they spill over, running down my cheeks. Everything she just said are words I wish I had convinced myself were true ages ago. But maybe it took getting to this point for them to truly sink in.
