“I know.I wonder where he ended up.”
“Faye said with someone who had the means, but money doesn’t mean love.”
The other woman nods.They let the subject drop and talk about how there are too many eggs in the potato salad.
I don’t move.I’m frozen in place, heart pounding so loud it sounds like a death march.
I stand at the window with my plate in hand and look at Honor across the room—at her blue eyes, at her sandy-colored hair, remembering the small hummingbird on the inside of her wrist—and the word that’s been on the tip of my tongue for the last hour finally arrives.
Cabo.
The week after Cabo.A club with Decker.Her finding me in the bathroom.Her fingers unbuttoning my pants.Her hand pulling out my cock.That hand with the hummingbird tattoo.
I gasp.“No.”
It comes out before I can stop it.
The two women look at me, and I feel heat crawl up the back of my neck.
“Sorry.”I shake my head.“Just thinking out loud.”
I step away and search the room for Hadley.
She’s smiling at something Honor is telling her, her hand on her friend’s arm, completely present and supportive and completely unaware of who her friend really is.
My gaze shifts to Honor.
She either senses me or is checking the room, but when our eyes meet, her smile fades.It’s almost as if she knows I’ve figured it out, and she’s confirming it with the way that she holds my gaze.But it’s over so quickly, I fear I’m seeing things.
But I know.It’s her.She’s Tanner’s mom.
I almost double over from the sick feeling in my stomach.My blood pressure spikes, and I can feel my heartbeat in my neck.
It’s all I can do to stay outwardly composed.To not ask Honor to talk in private.To not tell Hadley.As I stand there, the night with Honor unfolds in my mind.The dancing, the flirting, the way she was there every time I turned around.
The night keeps replaying in sharper detail with every miserable second of the day.At least ten times I almost tell Hadley I need to leave, but somehow, I gut it out.By the time she’s ready to go, most of the guests are gone and her grandma’s friends are packing up leftovers.
I wait by the door, watching Honor hug Hadley goodbye.They hold each other for a long moment, and Honor says something quietly into Hadley’s hair, and Hadley nods.
Honor’s eyes find me over Hadley’s shoulder.
I don’t look away.
Neither does she.
I give her a wave and step outside.It probably makes me look like an asshole, but I’m about a second away from throwing up in the bushes.
The street is quiet, the streetlights just starting to come on.
Hadley takes my hand as we walk down the front steps.“Are you okay?”
“No.”
I stop on the sidewalk and look at the house, wondering if Honor is peering out at us from behind some curtain.
Then I look at the woman who saidI’m staying, who answered to Mama, who has been pouring herself into my son and my life and my friends.And I think of the destruction my confession is going to cause.
I want to save her from it, but I can’t, and it’s the most agonizing feeling I’ve ever had.
