Seth: I will. Have fun tonight. Love you.
Yep. That’s right. I’ve started to drop clues to Sawyer that Bri isn’tjust the nanny,and that we’re also friends I think back to the day she showed up at my doorstep. She’d looked so unsure, like she didn’t belong in my world and knew I’d be pissed to find out she’d taken the job. But now, she belongs here. Bri’s always cared about Sawyer. She likes Sawyer. Sawyer likes her. I can’t let either of them down again. And that includes slowly figuring out how to tell Sawyer how important Bri is to my life.
My phone buzzes again, Levi’s name flashing across the screen.
“What do you want?” I ask, swiping up.
“Wow, what a greeting. Nice to hear from you too, little brother,” Levi drawls, amusement dripping from his tone.
I shake my head, eyes sweeping over the kitchen one last time. The place is spotless—cleaner than it’s been since we moved in.Partially because every time Bri’s here, she tidies up like she’s getting paid to be a maid and not a nanny. And partially because, well, because I want to impress her. In every single aspect of my life. When I’m on the ice practicing, I hope that she’s watching me play. When I’m talking to her, I hope she believes the words I’m saying, sees that I’m a trustworthy guy. And when I’m between her legs, I hope she realizes I’ll always put in the effort. Because her pleasure is mine.
How did I spend so many years with someone and never feel anything close to this? How is it possible that I thought I was in love before her?
“Why are you calling?”
He bursts out a laugh. “How’s the new nanny?”
My jaw tightens. “Why are you asking about Bri?”
“Because before you got back from your little road trip, I had to dip out to Boston. And you were too tired to fill me in on everything that happened.”
“There’s nothing to tell.” I lie because what happened between Bri, and I is still private. “She drove up there. We got a hotel.”Watched porn together. She came.“In the morning, I drove her and Sawyer home.”
“So, nothing happened in that hotel room?”
“Dude. Why do you care?”
“Because” he says, exasperated now. “You know why. I’m trying to figure out if she’s going to be around for the long run.”
I stop what I was doing and press my hands into the countertop to steady myself.
“Levi.”
“Look,” Levi sighs, quieter this time. “I like Brianna. Ireallylike her. And I think she’s good for you, but you don’t have the best record with not fucking good things up.”
I scrub a hand down my face. “I know.”
“She’s smart, kind, and from the little that I saw when I was in town,” his voice softens. “Sawyer likes her too which is big. The fact that she was willing to drive three and a half hours to Boston without you told me all I needed to know. Bri’s attached to Sawyer now.”
"Is that why you called?" My tone comes out sharp. "Because you're looking for a new mommy for Sawyer?"
"Don't you dare fucking say that, Seth." His voice drops from gentle to cold.
He's right. I know he's right. I don't mean to do this with him. But Levi has always had this way of finding the parts of me I'd rather keep buried and triggering them. Maybe because of who he is. The oldest out of us three. The steady one. The one who took the straight road and never once veered off it, never failed at anything worth failing at, always positive and happy. Never been married twice. Best grades, drafted straight out of college to the highest paying team, still the one who makes our mom's eyes go wide with pride when she talks about him.
Or maybe it's simpler than that. Maybe it's because of the history that’s between us. The thing I did that I've never stopped carrying, the hurt I put in him that I can't take back. That's the pattern, isn't it? The people who get close to me end up absorbing the damage.
I exhale slowly and pinch the bridge of my nose. "You're right. I'm sorry. That was out of line."
Silence stretches on the line.
Finally, he says, “Look… I get it.”
“Nah, I was fucked for saying that.”
“Yeah. You kinda were.” He chuckles softly. “You like her too, don’t you,” he murmurs, but there’s no teasing this time. “More than a nanny, huh?”
“Yeah, man. Too fucking much.”
