“What aboutyourinterest?” Kala asks. “Iris and I both saw how you two were together after Gannen left with Sorin and the other kits to head to the training area. You held hands and she rested her head against your shoulder. I have never seen you touch another female like that. There was an intimacy between you that spoke of more than friendship.”
Did it? I have never been friends with a female before. I have no knowledge of what is friendly behavior and what is more than that.
“Elodie and I had a long discussion about our friendship. How we both wished for a family to care for. It did not feel as though she meant a family that consisted of a mate and a kit, but rather a family unit similar to our tribe.”
“I see.”
We reach the narrow river that runs on the outskirts of our village. It is shallow enough for a grown Krijese to stand. Kala walks partway into it and stops when it reaches no higher than his ankles. He lowers Jiasha, who kicks and laughs until her feet hit the water. She grips both his hands tightly and runs in place, splashing water everywhere. Her laughter is infectious and makes my hearts ache for the time when Gannen was this little. He did not belong to me yet, but he has always felt like mine.
“You still did not answer my question.” Kala turns his head and stares at me. “You mention how you both wished for a family, but that Elodie perhaps only wished for a tribe to belong to.What kind of family doyouwish for? One that consists of a mate, your kit, and perhaps more kits?”
Who would not wish for that? To find a female who cares for me the way Iris cares for Kala. One who I can care for as much in return. I have dreamed of finding a female to hold at night. To share my burdens with. To bring pleasure to. To be a momo to Gannen and any future kits we might have. I would give almost anything to have all of that.
“Of course I desire a mate and a momo for my kits.”
“Why could that mate not be Elodie?” Kala asks as though it is that simple.
“Not every female is like Iris. Besides, she was Sorin’s momo before she was your mate.” I do not say this to hurt him. “Elodie was clear that she does not even know if she is interested in becoming a momo. I cannot—will not—risk my kit’s hearts on the hope that she becomes interested. It would be cruel to do that to him. Which means I must be satisfied with her being Gannen’s friend as well as mine.”
Kala picks up Jiasha and she wiggles against him. He retreats from the water and approaches me. “I stopped believing in our god long ago, but after Sorin prayed for him to bring a momo into his life, I have wondered if I’ve been mistaken. Perhaps I will ask him to say a prayer for you and for Gannen.”
My belief has also been in question for many sun cycles. When one has seen and done the things Kala and I have, it is hard to have faith in a higher being. At least a god such as ours. I have learned much about the Tavikhi goddess. She is merciful and kind. She is also one who heaps blessings upon those who worship her, at least according to the warriors who have spokento me about her. Deeka is the reason their tribe flourishes. Why they have finally been blessed with mates and new kits. She is why they have an abundance of food. Why they continue to thrive. Given I have witnessed all of these things, perhaps the Krijese worship the wrong deity.
“You have grown quiet,” Kala says.
“I am merely thinking.”
“Thinking is good. It means we are growing.”
That is why he is our leader. No one thinks as deeply as he does. “Have you given any more thought to merging with the Tavikhi village?”
Kala nods. “It keeps my mind occupied every turn. Yet I am still no closer to making a decision than I was when Zander suggested it, even though I believe it would be of great benefit to several of us. However, I must decide what would benefit the entire tribe, not only a select number of members.”
Ultimately, it is his decision and I know he will make the right one. Kala asked me what my thoughts are only once. I believe it is a necessary move. The Tavikhi have so many more skills than the Krijese do. Not the least of which is, they are much better hunters. We have learned much through trial and error, but the results are often crude.
There are also many kits in their village, which I believe GannenandSorin need. I have seen how lonely Gannen gets, especially when Sorin leaves with Kala to go hunt. He deserves to have friends and others who are of similar age to him to spend time with. To grow up with. I want him to have more than just me.
“We trust you to make the best decision for our people.”
Against his hip, Jiasha grows restless. Kala adjusts his hold and speaks softly to her. She settles and rests her head on his chest. A pang of envy for what he has hits me. He studies me, but I am uncertain what it is he searches for or what he sees.
“Thank you.”He claps my shoulder and leaves me standing on the bank of the river alone with my thoughts. “Also, I recognize a diversion tactic when I see it. Think on what I have said about your female. Do not let fear keep you from whatever you might wish for.”
“Gogo.” Gannen crawls into his furs for the night. “After we go hunting in the morning, perhaps we could travel to the Tavikhi village and see Elodie. I do not want her to think we have forgotten her or that we are no longer her friends.”
“Sorin has gone an entire cold season without seeing Sage and she has never once forgotten they are friends.”
“Yes, but they have known each other for many sun cycles. Elodie has only known us for seven turns. I bet she thinks we do not miss her or her friendship.” He settles with a fur over his lap, but does not lay down.
It is dim within our tent, but I can still see him clearly and feel his gaze on me. The entire turn I have gone over my conversation with Kala. I have not been able to let it go.
“Perhaps your need to see her is the hope she will discover she does have an interest in being a momo?”
Gannen shrugs. He does this when he has no wish to provide an answer.
“We do not want to appear too eager for Elodie to give us a part of herself she may not be willing to give. It will cause pain and heartsache.”
“Do you not wish for a mate, Gogo?”
