This is the first time he has ever asked. I do not want to lie, but I also do not wish to give him false hope.
“I have lived my entire life without one and been content.”
“But do youwishfor one?”
“If I ever found a female to care for and who returned my affection—but who also felt affection for you—then, I would also be content.”
“What if that female was Elodie?” he pushes. “She cannot develop deeper affection beyond friendship for either of us if we do not remind her we exist. If she does not see us often enough, we will only be two Krijese she barely knows. We must show her that we can offer caring and perhaps even love. Healer Sage told Sorin everyone wishes to be loved. We could love Elodie.”
I do not have an answer for Gannen. “It is time to rest. The morning will come far too early and you still have much to learn.”
“Gogo—”
“Sleep. We will talk in the morning.”
He sighs heavily with disappointment, but lies back within his furs and turns on his side away from me. I settle into my furs and stare up through the small hole in the roof at the night sky and the stars that shine brightly from it. Like Kala, I have not prayedto our god in many sun cycles. It was long before Gannen came into my life. There was never any reason. He couldn’t help us.
Yet, somehow, I find myself closing my eyes and saying a prayer for some kind of sign or guidance on what to do. I do not truly believe one will come, but I ask for it anyway. Once I finish, I stare up at the sky again as though what I seek will appear above me. Not to any great surprise, the night remains dark and quiet—the only sound that of the wind and the soft breathing of my kit.
My furs remain cold and empty. They smell of dirt in the same way the entire tent does. No feminine touches can be found. No sweet fragrance fills the air. It is a stale odor that lingers. Gannen brought in a few nenuphar blooms last warm season, but they have long since died and crumbled to dust.
What would it be like to return home from a turn of hunting to provide meat for a female—for Elodie—and she would welcome us with joy and affection. Would she give me this kiss we have all seen Iris give Kala? Or wrap Gannen in her arms and press her lips to the side of his face or the top of his head? Could I give her the kind of pleasure the entire village hears Kala giving Iris and receive the same pleasure in return?
Too many thoughts run through my mind. If I do not sleep now, the sun will be here before I am ready. The more sleep I get, the more I will hopefully be prepared to have another discussion with Gannen. He is stubborn and does not easily let things go. I will have to be ready for him.
Chapter 12
Elodie
Just because it’s been a couple of days since I’ve seen Ortak and Gannen, doesn’t mean Ortak changed his mind about wanting to be friends. I have to remind myself they’re most likely busy. They have an entire village to help provide for. They can’t spend all of their time here entertaining me. People are relying on them.
I do hope their time away is being spent with Ortak teaching Gannen the skills he thinks the young one needs. I could tell when we were talking how much he regrets holding his son back from doing all the things Sorin had been doing. I’m glad he’s making up for it now though.
A loud smack lands on the door flap of the tent I’d been provided by the shefira now that I’m able to get around by myself with crutches. For the tiniest second, I almost regret giving up the raised platform bed in the healer’s tent. I have no intention of telling Sage how hard it’s been for me the past two days gettingup and down off the ground in here. Hopefully, it’ll get easier the more I do it, because it sure isn’t yet.
“Just a minute.” It’s an ugly and clumsy effort—one that has me breathing heavy by the time I stand—but I manage.
I don’t even want to think about if I’d been trying to do this in my tent back at the settlement. Pretty sure it’s half the size of this one. I make it to the door and swing open the flap to find Astrid standing there with her kit secured in a sling against her chest.
“Good morning,” she greets me with the enthusiasm I haven’t seen wane once during my time in the village.
“Morning.”
“I was going to take a short walk and thought I’d see if you wanted to join Niella and me. Sage mentioned you like being outside and are used to being active.”
A happy grin splits my face. “I would love to come. You timed your stop perfectly, too, because I had actually been considering doing a little exploring right before you got here.”
“Excellent.”
“Give me a minute to get my shoes on, and I’ll be right out.”
“Of course, take your time.”
I close the flap and hurry to shove the foot of my good leg in my shoe. There’s no point bothering with the other one. Luckily, I was provided a stool to sit on to make the task easier.I chug a cup of water before I head outside.
Like ninety-five percent of the summer, the sun shines brightly in the lavender sky. It’s maybe halfway between the morning meal and the midday one, so the chill in the air has mostlyburned off by now. There are a few puffy clouds overhead, but otherwise it’s a clear day.Someone mentioned at the evening meal last night they smelled sky water on the horizon, though. How they could possibly smell rain coming is beyond me, but I don’t question their senses.
“Thank you for inviting me.”
