“To forty more,” Oak said simply.
“To forty more,” everyone repeated.
The five of us clinked our glasses, toasting to the matriarch and patriarch of the Gray family. Their parents kissed, and I got misty eyed. Liv snapped photos of everything and everyone—creating another cherished memory for the family mantel thatI’d made it onto too.The Grays were more than my best friend’s family. They were my family too.
It was close to midnight, and I sat around the firepit wrapped in one of the oversized blankets I’d stolen from inside. My eyes watched the flames dance in the dark sky, putting on a show for the moon above. I’d found the perfect spot to sit and text Pat. He was doing an overnight in California and was a couple of hours behind me.
Pat:
I’ve been trying to give you your space, but c’mon, Lex. It’s been two weeks. My mom is asking questions I can’t answer. The vendors keep reaching out to me because you’ve ghosted them. Do you want to call off the wedding or not? I’m tired of waiting for you to figure out if you trust me or not when you know I love you.
Me:
You’re tired, but you’re the one that fucked up our trust, Pat. I want to make sure I make the right decision for the future, not just for right now.
Pat:
I feel like you’re punishing me when I told you that shit wasn’t me on the voicemail. I don’t know what more you want from me. I’ve been punished long enough, don’t you think?
Me:
Forgiveness doesn’t happen overnight, and neither does trust. And right now, I’m still trying to figure out if I can marry you without feeling like I’m betraying myself.
Pat:
So, being with me is betraying yourself now?
Me:
Feels that way. You can’t keep shrinking down my feelings like they don’t matter and expect me to sweep everything under the rug.
Pat:
Just let me know what it is, Lex. Are we still getting married, or are we breaking up? Because why would you wanna be with a nigga you don’t trust, right?
I left his last message on read and quickly locked my phone when I saw Oak walking over to join me.
“Can I sit witchu for a while?” he inquired, voice low.
My heartbeat rang in my ears, but I played off my anxiousness with a lazy shrug. “Sure.”
He scraped his chair across the stone, closing the distance between us. “Whatchu doin’ out here all alone?”
“Having a nervous breakdown. Can’t you tell?”I asked with equal parts of sarcasm and truth.
He observed me for a few seconds. “Nah. You look cool as a cucumber to me.”
I scoffed. “Thanks. But I’m far from that.”
“What’s on your mind?”
“I think the better question is what’s not on my mind,” I said, curling my feet under myself.
We both turned our attention back to the flickering flames. Everything fell still for a moment, as if the universe had suspended time especially for us to sit in perfect peace. The soft crackling sound of the fire was the only noise that penetrated the silence.
Then, he inched closer, reaching out to grab my blanket and give it a soft tug. “Gimme some.”
I pulled away before realizing what I’d done. Of course, he noticed and called me out on it.
