Her eyes met mine, a question dancing in them.
It was only after the fact that I realized what I’d actually done but by then, Miss Price hadn't flinched or moved away. And just knowing that was an exhilarating observation.
Her green eyes softened, slowly growing more unguarded. My own armor fell apart a while ago. I knew that I was crossing a line.
But when she looked at me like that, I found it impossible to resist. I couldn’t help myself.
“I wish you could see what the rest of us see when we look at you,” I said, enraptured. She started to shake her head but I reached out to grab her hand and she stopped. “You don’t see it. But others do.”
“I’m a selfish person, Oren,” she said. “I’m greedy and reckless and I don’t deserve your help. Not anymore.”
I couldn’t help but laugh at that. “Miss Price, if I recall correctly, your entire purpose for pursuing this career path is because you wanted to help people who didn’t have anyone fighting in their corner. That’s a more noble path than many.”
“That doesn’t mean anything,” she said, and I noticed tears starting to form again.
“Yes, it does. You’re so hard on yourself that you forget all the good that you have to offer.” I paused, putting the pieces together. “Maybe you’ve spent so much of your life in a cycle of ascetic diligence that the mere thought of stepping outside of that sends you fleeing. You’re allowed to take, June. You’re allowed to want.”
Something seemed to click for her. And for me, when I realized that it was the first time I’d ever used her first name. Perhaps I was learning to be greedy, too.
“You’re one of the most intriguing students I’ve come across in my time here,” I said, my voice low as though conveying a secret. And perhaps this was one. “Our time together is almost up. I just want to make sure that I’ve done everything possible to set you on the right path. It would be a crime if I didn’t.”
I’d never been one for eloquence, but I’d never felt less adequate to describe how I felt whenshemoved closer, gazing up at me with those eyes.
There was still uncertainty there, and maybe even a hint of fear. But there was more too, something darker. Something more dangerous.
“And what path would that be, Professor Reed?”
13
~
June
Greed.
That was the word that had been plaguing my mind since this whole thing started and the fear of it being an apt descriptor for my actions was part of what had almost driven me insane.
But after talking with Oren, I began to view it differently. Why was I so afraid of admitting it? What was so bad about being greedy or selfish in this one area of my life?
I spent so much of my time terrified of stepping outside the rules. I went to school, began dating later, didn’t focus on boys at all and when I did, I was always careful. Then, when the lines grew fainter, I started creating more of my own.
I studied until I fell asleep in the library, rarely went to parties, hadn’t so much as looked at anyone romantically since I started college. But for all the jokes around that part of myself, I’d always wondered what it felt like to be free. Uninhibited.
And now I knew and I didn’t want to ever go back.
This part of my life was for me. There was no commitment, no expectations, no real rules, at least not yet.
While nothing happened between Oren and I during that meeting, I could feel that that would change soon. It felt almost inevitable, that pull between us, between all of us.
But I wanted this. I wanted all three of them. Three of my professors… was that normal? I highly doubted that, but I didn’t care anymore. I still wanted them.
I also wanted to win the derby, though.
And now that I’d finally come around to accepting this part of myself, I felt like I was able to properly focus for the first time in ages.
“It’s already a full house,” Mads said to me as we passed over the very empty riverbank and started the trek towards our boat trailer.
I snorted. “And it’s only six a.m. Imagine that. On a serious note though, it’s funny how the other team isn’t even here yet.”
