How had I managed to screw everything up so badly?
12
~
Oren
I tidied my desk despite the fact that there was never any real mess to be made. Then I looked at the time on my phone again, waiting. I may have been slightly nervous.
But what I was about to do was very unlike me.
The perfectionist tendencies, well that was perfectly familiar. The way Miss Price made me feel was not. She’d still answered the email and agreed to meet me during office hours, though. I supposed that counted for something.
I wasn’t her student advisor. I wasn’t her professor either, and by all counts, this wasn’t technically any of my business. Regular protocol would have me simply speak to whichever staff member was in charge of actually helping the troubled student.
But I was in the habit of taking on more work than was necessary, not trusting anyone else to guarantee the desired result. And Miss Price wasn’t exactly someone I considered to be “work”.
The knock on my door sounded at exactly one minute before our agreed upon time. She was certainly punctual.
“Come in,” I said, and she quietly opened the door, popping her head around as though she was still unsure. I beckoned her over and finally she closed the door behind her and sat down in the chair across the desk.
“Thank you for meeting with me, Miss Price,” I started, quietly observing her.
Her eyes were ringed with red as though she’d been crying. I remembered how upset she seemed in the gym a few days ago and how she’d declined the meeting offer with the recruiter.
Something must’ve happened. I didn’t know what it was but it was still clearly unresolved.
“Professor Reed… Oren. Why did you book this meeting with me?” she asked the question in a tone that was both genuinely curious but also tired. It made my chest ache.
“I’m worried about you,” I said genuinely. There was no fancy way to couch that in a strictly academic framing. There was no excessive verbiage. It was just the bare truth of why I called her here today.
She blinked, looking taken aback. I noticed how she wrung her hands together. She’d done it during the dinner we had months ago, and when we first spoke on the field. She also scratched at her palms when I caught her in the gym last week. A nervous tic perhaps?
“Look, Miss Price,” I used the formal address again, hoping to add some semblance of professionalism back into the conversation. “You were clearly very upset the other day.”
She looked down, as though unable to even meet my eyes.
“But as someone who recognizes your potential, I’d be remiss if I didn’t tell you that I think throwing away a perfectly good chance at this career move could be one of the biggest mistakes of your life. I know how hard you’ve worked and how badly you’ve wanted this opportunity. I know the power of regret and how bitter it can be,” I said.
Her shoulders sagged a little under the weight of those words, as though they’d only now truly sunk in. But it still looked likewhatever burden she carried was even heavier. I sighed, placing both of my hands on the desk.
“You don’t have to answer this question if you’re uncomfortable. But what is it that’s bothering you this much? Is it academic pressure?” I asked gently. “What’s going on?”
Her mouth opened imperceptibly, her eyes flickering. For a moment, I thought she might actually share the problem with me. But then she clammed up, shutting her mouth again.
“I appreciate your concern, but it’s nothing I can’t handle,” she said, offering me a strained smile. “If we’re done, I think I’ll go now.”
She got up and started to move towards the door and I was about to let her go when I noticed something. She moved as though she was still in pain, her body clearly suffering from the extensive workout she’d put it through.
She was either punishing herself or running from something. For all I knew, she wasn’t going to stop.
I stood up, reaching the door before her in fewer, longer strides. The timing had her almost chest-to-chest with me and the sudden proximity took us both by surprise. It hadn’t been my intention but now…
I took a breath and attempted to gather my drifting thoughts.
But that was an impossible feat when being this close to her only caused more of my thoughts to scatter. The lighting from the window poured sunlight into her hair that brought out the most beautiful fiery red. Unbound, the strands hung loose in her face.
Now thoughtless, I reached out to brush them out of the way, tucking them behind her ear. Her skin was soft under my fingers.
