I press on. “Look, I’ve been patient with you, letting you reveal what you want when you want. I’ve made no secret of wanting to know you, but I haven’t pushed you. So I’m asking you right now to let me have a little while to calm myself down so we can have this conversation when I’m clearheaded without big feelings getting in the way. Let me just say this though: the fact that someone down at the bar knows something so intimate about you and I don’t, that feels…” I can’t find the words. “It makes me feel …” My voice is thick with the tears I’m trying to hold back and trails off as I look away. Every sentiment that passes through my mind sounds so pathetic.
Insignificant… left out… moronic… naïve…
Wolf blows out a breath, drops his hands, and moves forward a few steps.
“How does she know?” I mean it as a demand, but the question comes out so pathetic. “How does she know and I don’t?”
Another sharp exhale comes from his lips as he looks away. “Molly, come on… Just?—”
“I’m yourwife, Wolf,” I remind him feebly as one drop of liquid emotion defies me and falls down my cheek.
“Yeah, but we didn’t?—”
“Don’t finish that sentence.” I hold up my hand. “I won’t be able to handle what that will do to me.” This time I sniffle and take a step back.
“Molly, please, you need to slow down. I’m trying to catch up with what’s happening here.”
I puff out toxic breath. “You can do that while I’m gone. Right now I need time to myself or I’ll explode.”
Wolf’s eyes widen. “So let me have it then! What’s going through your mind?”
“Fine! Wolf, why in the hell did you marry me?” I demand, hating the taste of the hasty words rushing from my mouth.
“Molly, what the fuck are you talking about, you know why!”
“The land.” My recollection comes out throaty as I nod weakly.
He scratches his head, confusion evident in his slack jaw as he drops his hand. “Is that such a bad thing?”
“Of course not.” I sigh, dropping my hands at my side. “I just should have kept that at the forefront of my mind instead of getting caught up in what I thought was happening between us.”
“Molly, what do you mean?” He takes another step closer, and I take two back. “I’m honestly confused, things have been?—”
“Been what? Like you expected? Not like you expected? Because I don’t know what to expect, and that’s part of the problem! Yes, we got married, but then we started getting closer, and it started messing with my mind. I started to believe our marriage was more than just a way to get back the land, but I get now—it’s all just physical. Just an added bonus for being trapped in this contract together.”
I know not everything I’m saying is rational. Most of it is just emotion. My heart is being honest and is running away with it faster than my brain can catch up.
“Molly…” He’s speaking from between clenched teeth now. “That isnottrue.”
“Then tell me why you married me, Wolf. I know you didn’t want Riley to win any of this land, and I know you wanted to help me, but you didn’thaveto so whydidyou? And why shouldn’t I believe this is just physical and convenient when you won’t give me any other part of you?”
His hands go to his head, fingers threading through his brown locks. “What do you even want?”
“Toknowyou, Wolf! I want to know my husband. Is that such a bad thing?”
“You do know me,” he counters, his fingers gripping at the strands of his hair now.
“I know what it’s like to live with you and have sex with you, but I don’t actually know you. I want you to tell me things!”
He releases his hair. “I said to give me time, Molly,” he says on a taxed breath.
“To tell me things about yourself? Seriously, listen to you! And I’ve given you time! Meanwhile, you get to know all about me having a traumatic first few years on this earth before being orphaned and left with an abominable phobia and hardly any answers!”
A few seconds tick past with his jaw clenching before he looks up from the ground and speaks. “I just – look, you’re backing me into a corner here!” He says, his cheeks flushed, his hands curled at his sides, and his gaze trained on the grass.
It’s time to let up. Hell, this is what I wanted to avoid in the first place. “Please, Wolf, please. Just leave me alone.” I quickly turn without giving him time to protest. My strides toward the trail head are hurried, and my inner thoughts are frantic,bargaining with the universe to not let him follow me. It’s not until I’ve turned past the second twist in the path with plenty of trees between us that I’m satisfied that he hasn’t.
31
