His lips twisted. "Andyou think me too much of a heathen for God to notice my transgressions?"
"It would be an act ofmercy on your part. God would surely understand you're not at fault."
"Dear God, now beddingyou is an act of mercy! You're a mad woman."
"When I first realized Imight have to do this, I thought perhaps I was mad." She had to stop tosteady her voice. "But I've pondered long and hard and there's no othersolution. This must be done. Do you think asking you was easy?"
"I've not noticed youasking me. You've only told me what I must do."
"I did not mean to berude. It is my way to be blunt."
Abruptly his anger vanishedand his expression softened. "I know. Blunt, sharp-tongued, and giving.Well, you cannot give Ian his child." He raised his hand to stop her asshe opened her lips to protest. "I won't do it, madam."
"Why? Ian will bedestroyed if I don't do this."
"And you'll be destroyedif you do. I know you well. You try to bend that straight moral backbone andyou'll shatter." He moved toward her. "I'll have no part of it. Ihave never had a taste for destruction. I ran away from Abdar to avoid it, andI will not help you embrace it."
"I've made my decision,Kartauk."
"Which requires mycooperation." He looked down at her. "No, madam, you'll get no childfrom me."
He was close enough to her soshe could smell the scent of soap, coffee, and clay that clung to him and seethe pulse pounding in his strong brown throat and the distended veins in hismuscular forearms. She had a sudden sensation of unfamiliarity. She was acutelyconscious of his bigness, the wideness of his shoulders, the massive strengthof his calves and thighs in the loose trousers, the craggy strength of hisfeatures. She felt a sudden flutter of apprehension before she firmly dismissedit as imagination. This was the Kartauk she had known for three years. Heruneasiness must be derived from the prospect of the intimacy she had proposed."There is another reason I chose you," she said haltingly. "Iregard you as my friend. I have had very few friends in my life. I hope I'm notmistaken."
"Mother of God!" Hishands hovered over her shoulders as if he'd like to shake her.
"You appear to have anuncommon understanding of me." She blinked rapidly to rid her eyes oftears. "This will be a most difficult undertaking, and it would comfort meto have you with me in this."
His hands clenched and thendropped to his sides. "Go away, madam."
"We haven't finished ourdiscussion. I can't leave until we come to an agreement."
"We are not going to cometo an agreement."
"It is necessary we doso. I realize what I propose is neither virtuous nor Christian, but somehow Ibelieve it's right. If there is a child, Ian will live. Can it be so wicked tosave a life?"
"Leave me."
"I have no fondness forthe act, but Ian seems to think I perform it well. I'll do everything you'veinstructed me to do and it should not be too unpleasant for you."
He jerked her to her feet andpropelled her toward the door.
"I know I'm not bonnielike Ellen MacTavish, but I will endeavor to—"
"My dear madam." Heopened the door and pushed her out into the hall. "You're not at allbonnie and as far from the likes of Ellen MacTavish as Cinnidar is from Scotland."
She felt a queer pang even asshe drew herself up and stared determinedly at him. "Bonnie or not, itwon't hurt you to accommodate me until I'm with child. I shall not insist onany immediate consummation. I, too, must become accustomed to the ideaof—" She hesitated.
"Fornicating."
"Conceiving. I'm sure wewill both be more comfortable if we make an effort to more fully understandeach other. You might make a start by calling me Margaret." She turned andwalked down the hall. "I'll pay you another visit tomorrow. Good day,Kartauk."
"Good-bye, madam. Don'treturn." The door slammed behind her.
Kartauk stared at her coldly."I told you not to come back. I have no time for your nonsense."
"I will be nobother." Margaret closed the door and moved toward him. "I understandthat you have no interest in anything but your work and I've thought of a wayto accomplish both our aims."
"I can hardly wait tohear what it is."
