"And me? Are you going tokill me too? It would never have happened if Ian hadn't been crippled. He wouldhave been able to escape."
"Be quiet," he saidhoarsely. "It wasn't your fault."
"A month ago you wouldhave blamed me."
"I don't want to talkabout this."
"And I won't be silentabout it. Say it. It's my fault."
"It's not yourfault." He suddenly exploded. "It's mine."
She looked at him, startled."What?"
"It's always been myfault. I blamed you, but I guess I always knew I was the one responsible. Ianwould never have been in Kasanpore if it hadn't been for me."
"But he followed you fromScotland. You didn't even want him there."
It was as if he hadn't heardher. "And I should have been more careful getting him out of thewreck."
"You saved hislife."
"I crippled him,"Ruel said fiercely. "I ruined his life and then I brought him here todie."
She had never dreamed he couldharbor this agony of guilt. Yet she should have known. Ruel never did anythingin half measures. His emotions and reactions were always stronger, deeper, andmore intense than anyone else's. And she was partially responsible for hisguilt, she suddenly realized. He loved her and wanted to exonerate her, toshoulder her guilt himself. She had to do something. That was an easy decision,but what was she to do? Arguing would only make him more stubborn.
"All right, it is yourfault." She went on, feeling her way. "But it's my fault too, and youforgave me. You have to forgive yourself."
He shook his head.
"Listen to me. Ian lovedyou. He wanted you to be happy."
He didn't answer.
"He died to help you andMargaret and Kartauk have the good life he wanted for you all. Are you going tolet him die for nothing?"
She thought she felt a slighteasing in those painfully knotted muscles, but she couldn't be sure.
"How can you be sostubborn? He wanted—" She stopped as she felt something warm and damp onher temple. "Ruel?"
"I love you," hesaid unevenly. His arms tightened around her. "God, I love you."
Now she could let her owntears come. Her last resistance to him flowed away with them. Life was tooshort to be afraid, love too precious not to risk everything to hold it."I believe you."
"You do? It's abouttime," he said huskily. He was silent for a long time. "It... hurts,Jane."
"I know." Shebrushed her lips along the line of his cheek. She knew his moment of weaknesswould not last, but she felt a surge of fierce maternal protectiveness. Shewanted to shelter and keep him from all harm. For the first time she realizedthe true power Ian had wielded over Margaret. A man who needed you was thegreatest mandarin of all. "But we'll share it and soon it will get betterfor us. It has to get better."
"Aye." His armstightened around her. "It will get better, love."
Margaret, Kartauk, JamesMedford, and his people arrived at midafternoon the next day.
"Where's Ruel?"Medford asked Jane as soon as he stepped off the bridge.
Jane nodded to the south."Downriver with Li Sung and Dilam. Abdar?"
"We sighted him startingdown the canyon trail before we left," Medford said as he set off in thedirection she had indicated. "Six hours."
As usual, Medford'sconversation was blunt and sparing, Jane thought as she turned back to watchMargaret, closely followed by Kartauk, cross the final few yards to the bank.She had thought Margaret looked bad the night she had arrived at their camp,but now she was shocked at the tragic difference she saw. Strong, vibrantMargaret appeared almost fragile, her face pinched and pallid, great darkcircles imprinted beneath her eyes.
