I begin to relax to the quiet beating of his heart, and eventually, we both drift off to sleep.
22
IWAKE TO THE SOUND OF RAIN.QUIETER NOW, A GENTLE TAP.
I close my eyes again, unwilling to shake the heady warmth of this moment. Jamie is still here in the bed beside me, breathing softly into the back of my neck, and I’m afraid that if I wake him, this comfort and closeness I’m feeling will vanish with the night.
“Mmm,” he moans into my neck, beginning to stir. And then, as if realizing for the first time the intimacy of the moment, he pulls away a little, removing his arm. “Morning,” he whispers.
“Morning,” I say, rolling over to face him. “Thank you.”
“For what?” he asks.
“For all of this,” I say. “For taking care of me. For being here. Even after everything I told you.”
“Sybil,” he whispers, his eyes scanning my face.
“Yeah?”
“You need to stop feeling guilty, okay? I know I shouted atyou for lying to me, for keeping things from me, but the truth is, you were right too. I was keeping things from you as well.”
“You were?”
“Of course. I mean, look,” he says, taking a breath, as if readying himself for something. “I think it’s obvious.”
“Obvious? What is?”
“That I’m still in love with you, Sybil.” His voice is low and raw, his face flushed with emotion. “That I never got over you. I don’t think I ever will.”
“Jamie, I—”
“Wait, let me finish. You don’t have to say anything,” he says quietly. “But I would be a fool not to tell you now. Not to just leave it all on the table. I have no expectations. I just need you to know that I am fully and completely in love with you. And if you want me to leave now and give you your space, I totally get that. I just want us both, finally, to be as honest as we can. And that is the honest truth.”
“Jamie,” I say, my chest racing with a strange mix of euphoria and fear and hope. “You idiot. I love you, too. Obviously.”
His face breaks into an uncontrollable grin. “Really? And you’re not just saying that because I saved you on a dumb helicopter?”
I laugh. “The helicopter has very little to do with it. Though it was a nice, dramatic touch, I will admit.”
He laughs quietly, and then we’re both silent, staring into each other’s eyes.
And then, slowly, he closes the small distance between us.
He whispers my name one last time. And then his lips find mine.
JAMIE KISSES WITH HISwhole body. As his tongue softly pushes apart my lips, the energy of his body changes. I feel him tensing against me, his breath hitching in his chest.
He pulls back slightly. “God, I’ve missed you.”
“I know,” I whisper, reaching up to touch the collar on his shirt. He slept in it last night, and most of the dampness has dried off, but it can’t have been very comfortable. Maybe I should help him out of it…
To say that our movements are hasty, like desperate teenagers, is an understatement. It’s like I’ve never met a button before, the way I tear at his shirt, even as his lips trail my neck and behind my ear. There’s a gentle tug on the knot in the bathrobe I slept in, and then, it comes undone.
He pushes the robe apart as I pull him even closer, feeling alive and focused in a way I haven’t felt in a long time.
His hands run through my hair, drawing another gasp from me as he moves his mouth along my jaw, licking and kissing my neck, my collarbones, my shoulders, his mouth finding my breast and sucking. A tiny bite makes me catch my breath and writhe, but he doesn’t slow down, trailing his hands along the sides of my stomach, toward my hips as his head slips beneath the sheets. He kisses my belly button, then moves lower, until I find I can hardly breathe. His mouth comes to the place between my thighs, and my hands clench the sheets as he spends what feels like forever relearning which spots make me gasp and which spots make my muscles quiver.
Outside, rain is still tapping gently at the windows. I hearthe wind, and the shuddering of his breath against my skin… And then—
