“Okay, Nathan.”
“Uh-uh,” he waggles a finger at me, his smile widens and I catch sight of his one crooked tooth. “Nathaniel.”
“Oh, that’s very serious.” I meet his gaze, and my breath catches at the intensity of his expression.
“There are times when I’m a very serious man, Nicole.” And the heat in his eyes thrums through my entire body.
He steps away. The potency of the moment lessens, but it doesn’tdisappear. “Seriously, though. Did I do something wrong? I could tell you didn’t like that that woman thought we were together, so I made it clear we weren’t.” His face doesn’t betray any hurt at that simple statement of fact. His expression is open and curious. It’s clear that he thinks he was helping me. Trying to give me cover.
“I appreciate that,” I tell him.
He shrugs. “You like to keep your private life private.”
I nod. Is that something I’ve told Nate, or just something he picked up about me from the time we’ve spent together?
“I know I made the decision to have a public persona when I signed on to that first season ofLovedBy,” I tell Nate. “But I didn’t know—I don’t think anyone knows—what that’s really like until it happens.”
Nate’s focus never leaves me, and I can tell he’s taking it all in.
We’ve reached the cypress tree on the far edge of the property. Tied to one of its branches is a swing that goes out over the lake. When the water’s high enough, you can jump from it into the water.
I take a seat, wrapping my hands around the worn rope and kick off to rock slightly back and forth.
“I have to be really careful about which parts of myself get put out for public consumption because those parts have the potential to get the shit kicked out of them.”
The corners around his eyes soften. “I remember what Cara went through.”
I slow the swing.
“When everything happened with that douchebag,” he goes on, “people treated her like she was some…” He searches around for the right word. I know the words I used about her in my group chats, and shame washes over me. Nate lands on, “Scarlet woman. Even though she was completely blindsided by the whole thing.” He looks me in the eye. “She really didn’t know he was going on the show.”
I’ve always doubted Cara’s version of the story, but looking at the sincerity on Nate’s face right now, I know he’s telling the truth. The revelation feels heavy, shocking—I guess some part of me didn’twantto believe Cara could possibly be that oblivious. Having an enemy in her made the whole thing a little easier, somehow, to deal with. But of course, she could’ve been oblivious—I should know. I was too.
As I stare at Nate, letting his words sink in, it dawns on me that Cara went through something extremely similar. That Aaron hurt and blindsidedhertoo.
And although my guard is still up—I know how damaging the media can be with stories like these, and that’s still a huge risk no matter what Cara’s own motives might be—I suddenly feel incredibly guilty.
For regressing into my catty, competitive pageant girl days instead of at least giving her the benefit of the doubt.
I swallow, hard. “I’m sorry,” he says. “It’s not really my story to tell. And I didn’t mean to make you feel weird about it.”
“It’s okay. I’m—I’m glad you told me,” I say quietly. “And honestly, that’s not even why I was really upset today.”
The truth is that the woman at the flower farm thought Nate and I were together. To her, we looked like a real couple. Something Nate apparently has no serious interest in.
And yet even his quiet concern right now—the way he picks up on my feelings, wants to understand—gives me this fluttery, terrifying feeling of hope…
I look up at him. The moon is out over the lake, a dark twinkling surface. I can hear theshushing of its soft waves against the shore. In the dusk, it’s hard to read Nate’s expression.
“Nikki, I…”
My breath catches. “Yeah?”
He pauses. “I can’t believe how hot out it still is, even with the sun down.”
“It is, isn’t it?” I say, my words barely a whisper. Because Ithinkthe heat we’re talking about is not just left over from the sun. “How about a little night swim?” I suggest.
After all, I’m still wearing this stupid bathing suit I’ve had on most of the day.
