“Jessi!” Ro called from somewhere behind me. “Jessi!”
His long legs soon caught up to mine. At some point he’d managed to put his jeans back on, but his shirt was still in his hands and he was dripping wet.
“Jessi, Jesus, slow down!” he said, grabbing my shoulder.
“What do you want?” I snapped at him. All I saw was red. Everything was red. I wanted to strangle him. I hated what we’d done. Hated that I’d played just as much of a part as he had.
He stared at me for one second, appraising me, as if he were figuring out something just by looking at me, figuring out everything.
“I’ll go after him,” he said suddenly, throwing his shirt on. “I’ll tell him it was all me. I’ll ... I’ll fix this.”
“You can’t fix this,” I said, starting to cry.
“I can,” he said. “I know I can. I’ll take care of it.”
He hesitated a moment, as if he had something to say, but I didn’t want to hear it. I started walking again until Ro brushed past me and said, “I’ll get my car and go after him. I’ll go all the way to State if I have to.”
Then he disappeared through the clearing, the details of his body so washed out by the darkness that soon he was a part of it.
I kept running through the trees until Eric caught up to me.
“He went back to his car. You can’t catch him,” he said, breathless, and I knew he was talking about Luke.
“Ro’s driving after him. I’ll go with him,” I said.
“And what do you think will happen when both of you show up together? How do you think Luke’s going to take that?”
“I don’t care,” I said.
“Just let Ro go,” he said, touching my shoulder. “He knows what he’s doing.”
My lungs were burning, and I was still in my wet underwear, so I stopped.
I let him go.
18
NOW
I pull openthe door of my car, collapse in the front seat, and cradle my head in my hands.
I knew this day would come.
I knew it I knew it I knew it
In one night, I single-handedly destroyed everything that was good in my life. Me and Rowan. Me and Luke. Worst of all, Mel’s family. They were broken because of me.
Because I took and took and took.
I was seven and needed a friend, so I used Rowan. I needed a mother, so I latched on to Mel like she was the best thing that ever happened to me. It still wasn’t enough, so I turned to Luke.
And I completely destroyed each and every one of their lives.
And everybody but Mel knew it.
Mel, who always saw me as better than I was.
Mel, who would never look at me again if she knew.
