“You’re such a dork,” he said.
“You love me,” I said.
He came to a stop again and glared at me. “Are youskipping?It’s just a fucking game.”
“Then why are you so upset?” I asked.
The truth was, he had a right to be suspicious. I absolutely was ecstatic to marginally hang on to my victory with the racket frame game, but a lot of my happiness had to do with non-tennis things. His brother, to be specific. Being with Luke made me feel full and loved, like I knew exactly who I was and where I belonged. Like I would never again have to wonder about where I fit in this world.
In much the same way his family had when I was a kid, Luke was beginning to feel like home to me.
When we got into the air-conditioned lounge room, Ro plopped down in a chair and took a swig of a sports drink. He offered it to me, and I took a sip.
“I’m so glad we got to hang out. I’ve missed you,” I said.
He nodded. “Feels like I haven’t seen you in a minute.”
“Well, you’re so busy with practice,” I said.
“I’ve always been busy with practice.” The implication was that when he’d been busy with practice in the past, I’d come to the court and watch him play or come over to the house to hang out. Now, other things occupied my time. These things went unspoken between us, but I couldn’t shake the feeling they were there, dangling like cobwebs, waiting to be acknowledged.
I fiddled with the sticker on the bottle. I wasn’t going to apologize for having a life. Yet it felt like that was what Ro wanted—for me to apologize for having something that didn’t include him, and somehow I knew that thing was Luke.
I opened my mouth to protest, but he spoke over me.
“Me and Cassie Clairburne are a thing.”
“No!” I exclaimed. “But what about Eric?”
Ro shrugged. “Should have made his move sooner.”
“Wow, so athingthing or just hooking up?” I asked.
“What’s the difference?”
“Well, Rowan, sometimes people like to have casual sex and mess around. Other times, they get into these things called committed relationships.”
Ro muttered something under his breath.
“What?” I asked.
It sounded to me like he’d saidguess you’re the expert now,but he just shook his head.
“Well, congrats,” I said then, but he just held his hand out for the drink. I’d never seen anyone announce a new relationship with such melancholia.
Ro stood up from the table. “I’m going to go and get changed.”
“Ro, wait,” I said. “Is everything okay?”
“Yeah, why?”
“You just don’t seem like yourself. You’ve been so different since the summer.”
“Because my mom is fucking dying, Jessi, and the only thing I can do is hit some balls across a net.”
I flinched at his explosion.
“Maybe other people are able to go on their merry way and act like nothing is happening, but I am not, okay? I’m just not.”
