Eleanor goes to pick out the clothes she wants to wear while I find my shirt and tug it back on, smiling to myself at the sense of déjà vu it brings about.
It’s mind-boggling that only a few hours ago I was so concerned about anyone finding out about our night together. Still hate that I hurt Eleanor’s feelings over that. I glance over at where she’s sorting through her suitcase and feel the question bubbling up. I try to swallow it back, but this trip has proven my willpower is shot.
“Do you think you’ll ever tell her about us?”
Immediately, I’m mentally cringing over that phrasing. To be fair, I was inside her like an hour ago. And she said yes to dinner. But that doesn’t exactly mean there’s anus.
Eleanor hesitates, and I start talking again, can’t stop.
“I get why you don’t want her to know before the wedding. But you two seem pretty close. So I wondered if you would tell her eventually, about what happened.”
I watch as she hugs her selected outfit to her stomach. “We’re not as close as we used to be,” she says after a moment.
So that’s a no.
I do my best to keep my expression neutral, to not let my disappointment show. I nod and start loading our dishes and napkins onto the room service tray, accepting her answer without further comment.
“I haven’t been a very good sister lately,” she adds after a moment.
When I look up, she’s got her gaze fixed on the bundle of clothes in her arms. “How so?”
“I guess I’ve prioritized work. To the point I’ve become a bit flaky with everything else.” She licks her lips and takes a deep breath. “After leaving Exeter I felt like I had something to prove. Both professionally and personally.”
Her eyes meet mine then, piercing. Gauging. Like she’s making sure I understand without her having to mention his name. It wouldn’t be the first time we talked about Griffin today, but circumstances have changed. Right now, his name’s like Beetlejuice. Nothing good can come from saying it out loud.
“Understandable,” I say softly.
“I’ve had a few setbacks recently,” she continues, and I wince as I think of Maya. I maintain I didn’t do anything wrong by signing her, but I know it was a huge blow to Eleanor’s roster. “But I’ve sort of kept up a front with my friends and family. Things have been tight for my mom and sister, so I’ve been helping out with wedding expenses.” Her maxed-out credit cards come to mind, and I start to get the full picture. Start to see how determined Eleanor is to maintain the image of success she’s cultivated. She seems to struggle withwhat to say next. Or maybe with how much she wants to tell me. “I just… don’t want them to know how badly I’m fucking everything up.”
Eleanor’s brow is furrowed, and I shuffle around the bed to stand right in front of her. “Takes two to make a mistake like this one. This isn’t all on you, you know?”
A small smile tugs at her mouth. “I do know. But, regrettably, I’ve discovered blaming you doesn’t actually make me feel better. Besides, I’ve been screwing up since well before this trip.”
Eleanor is her own toughest critic, and that’s something I can relate to. But it kills me to hear her beat herself up like this. I tuck a few hairs that have gone rogue behind her ear. “It can’t be all that bad, can it?”
She bites her lip, holding my gaze with shrewd eyes like she’s reading an answer off my face to some question she didn’t even ask. Then she sucks in a breath and straightens her posture.
“I’m going to tell you something,” she says, “but first I need you to make me a promise.”
I blink and stuff my hands into my pockets. “All right. What is it?”
“Promise you won’t do that thing men do where you try to fix it. Just listen, okay?”
“Yeah, of course,” I agree immediately. I can listen.
She sits back down on the edge of the bed. “A couple months ago, I had a performance review. Josie told me I needed to make some changes by the end of the quarter or she’d have to let me go.”
“What kinds of changes?” I ask, already tense at the implication that she could be fired.
“She said I needed to prove I was a team player,” Eleanor says, and I get the sense she’s barely suppressing an eye roll. “My financial outlook was a big part of it. I went over budget last quarter, and my travel expenses were too high.… One of the sticking points was that I’d gone around Josie to court a band with my own money—”
“Wait, what? You spent your own money trying to sign a band?”
Eleanor crosses her arms. “Yes.”
I clamp my mouth shut. She’s made it very clear she doesn’t want my commentary.
Neither of us speaks for a moment, until Eleanor tips her head back and sighs. “I know, okay? I know it was a terrible idea. I figured it would pay for itself, and then it… didn’t. But this is how I was trained. Go hard after the acts you want, and don’t take no for an answer.”
