I pause my rambling to collect my thoughts.
“None of this is an excuse; it was all my choices, and I chose wrong. If something is broken, I fix it. But I gave that to Holly, not you. Between my hero complex and guilt, I jumped at every sign of help she needed, still picturing the broken girl in the hospital.
“You were always the strong one. And I hate to say this, but I didn’t think you would leave. I know how wrong I was, and how bad that sounds.
“I love you, Becca, so damn much. And I know you loved me, for me, not what I could do for you, which felt rare for me. I loved our relationship; I felt we were so strong, steady, unbreakable. Like nothing could shake us. Turns out maybe nothing external, but I sure as hell could.”
I blow out a breath and look over at Becca. She is watching the water flow, taking in every word I say.
“I thought I could fix everything for everyone … and I didn’t stop to think about what it would cost you,” I admit, voice thick with emotion.
“You didn’t just give her money, Sam. You decided for both of us.” She stands, pacing back and forth. “That still doesn’t answer the question, why did you choose to make Holly’s dream come true now, and put mine on hold for another four plus years of savings?”
I'm feeling more like an idiot for my reasoning.
“When Holly and Mandy asked me to help with the salon, I said, 'Sure, no problem.’ At first, I thought they meant construction help, a project here or there. Then they brought in Rick, and I admit, I got a little starry-eyed.” I shake my head in disgust at myself. “One thing led to another, Mandy mentioned how much I had saved up to build the cabin. Rick quoted that travel is down due to inflated gas prices, but beauty industry spending keeps soaring.”
Becca’s jaw tenses slightly, and she looks away. But I keep going, needing to get this out.
“He kept talking about this great spot, how he knew lumber would be going down in the next year or so anyway,and he had other investments he could line me up with that would get our money back in under a year.
“I fell for his sleazy salesman act, I know. It doesn’t justify what I did. It just explains why I didn’t see it clearly.” I move without thinking about it, dropping down in front of her, hands settling on her knees.
Her breath catches—barely there, but I feel it. God, I know this body. I know every shift, every tell.
My thumbs press lightly against her, grounding myself more than anything else. She’s right there, close enough that I can feel the warmth of her through the thin fabric of her dress. Close enough that my body remembers things it has no business remembering right now.
I force myself to hold still. This isn’t the time. I need to get this next part out, even if it hurts.
“Becca, I did put your dream on hold for Holly. But it wasn’t because I thought hers was more important; it was because I knew she couldn’t do it without me, and you, baby? You can conquer the world, and I used that as an excuse not to show up for you the way I should have.”
She looks at me like I said something she’s been waiting years to hear and is furious it took this long. Then she turns away, eyes fixed on the water. “I … I need a minute.”
“Sure, of course. I know at the end of the agenda, you left time for Q&A.” I hold back my laugh as Becca fights her own smirk.
Damn, do I love my organized, mission-focused wife.
To lighten the mood, I hold up my phone and show a playlist. She nods. We often sit together, doing our own thing, playing our favorite songs in the background. I go to hit play, and instead of our song, my audiobook starts playing. Something I found while searching the internet for anything that might help me win my woman back.
“Our next chapter onSo You Fucked Up Your Relationship: How to Unfuck Yourself, Emotionally Speaking.We will be diving into what you broke, dipshit. You ruined her trust. How do you earn it back? Leader in relationship research, Dr. Rosencatz, tells us that:
‘Trust may have been given freely at first, but she won’t make that mistake again. If you want it back, you work for it. Twice as hard. And then some.’”
“What is that?” Becca questions.
Fuck.“Uh, that is an audiobook I’m listening to,” I say sheepishly as I try to turn it off.
“An audiobook … about relationships?” Becca asks with confusion in her tone.
“Yeah … I am good at building and fixing things, but when I don’t know something, I go and find an expert.” I feel my cheeks redden as I continue. “One night, after reading one of your business books, I got the idea that there must be one out there that can shed some light on my situation. This is my third so far that I have listened to.”
Becca softens, holding back a smile, but before she can respond, she gets a phone call. I see the screen, Holly?
She looks up at me, just as confused, but answers right away.
“Holly?” she tentatively answers.
“Hey, Becca, I know you’re probably getting off work soon, if not already. Would you happen to be near Dad’s office today? If not, we can schedule for another time.” It isn’t on speaker, but I can hear her clearly.
