Sunday, October 6 -Ocean Wandererat sea
Rob opened his eyes and looked at the clock on the nightstand. Six forty-three. Damn! He’d been tossing and turning for a while but couldn’t fall back to sleep. Sighing, he got up and padded into the bathroom.
He relieved himself, then washed his hands and splashed water on his face. If he wasn’t going to sleep any more, he needed coffee. At the bar in the dining area, he followed the instructions on the small coffee maker, then listened as the coffee slowly dripped into the cup. While he waited, he checked his emails but there was nothing of importance and he had no new texts.
When the coffee maker finished, he lifted the cup and inhaled deeply, enjoying the rich aroma. He took a sip and sighed. He always enjoyed that first sip.
Planning to read a bit, he retrieved his Kindle from the nightstand, but then noticed his travel journal. He’d left it on the desk in the bedroom when he unpacked yesterday.
Rob had started keeping a journal of his and Alan’s trips many years ago and, after a couple of false starts, decided on a Circa notebook. It consisted of plastic discs for the binding with specially punched paper so he could easily add, remove, and rearrange pages as needed.
He was usually much better at writing a journal entry every day, but he’d felt so off-kilter when he finally decided to go forward with this trip that he’d never even taken the journal out of his suitcase when he got to the hotel in Barcelona.
“Well,” he said aloud, “You’ve got time now, so start writing.” He picked up the journal and sat down at the dining table.
He opened the book and turned to the table of contents. Taking the pen from the elastic loop on the back cover, he added a new line: Ocean Wanderer - Spain And Transatlantic Crossing – October 2019.
He flipped the pages and saw that the last page in the trip section was the final entry from his last cruise with Alan over two years ago.
He reread the entry and smiled sadly, thinking of the fun they’d had on that trip.Okay, stop reliving the past and get on with it.
He turned to the last section of the journal, where he kept extra blank pages. There was writing on the first page in this section, but the penmanship was not his own. The neat, cursive scroll was familiar though.
As he began reading, his breath caught in his throat and his eyes welled with tears, spilling onto the page.
Oh Alan. My Alan!
Rob –
“Here’s to all the places we went. And here’s to all the places we’ll go. And here’s to me, whispering again and again and again and again: I love you.” – John Green
Hoping this message catches you by surprise as we begin our next trip together. I love how you faithfully write an entry for each day of a trip, but as far as I know, you never look at them again. Just one of the many things I love about you, Robbie.
Where will we go next? The sky’s the limit, I guess. All I know is that I want to travel the world with you.
To new adventures!
All my love,
A–
“Will you give me yourself? Will you come travel with me? Shall we stick by each other as long as we live?” – Walt Whitman
The tears wouldn’t stop. He pushed the journal aside, not wanting to get any more tears on the page for fear of making the ink run.
He sobbed like he hadn’t in a long time.Oh Alan! Why did you have to die? I wasn’t ready for you to leave me! I still love you so much!
Why was he even on this cruise? Sam convinced him it was a good idea, but now, seeing this message from Alan, he wasn’t so sure. He should be home, mourning the loss of his husband. Not enjoying himself on a vacation and meeting a hot guy.
Ben! Oh my God, what was he doing with Ben? It was too soon. He shouldn’t be enjoying himself like this!
He grabbed his phone and quickly texted Ben.
Ben, I’m sorry but I can’t meet you for breakfast today. I’m so sorry.
Hopefully Ben wouldn’t want to talk or ask why he canceled. He just couldn’t deal with all these emotions he was feeling right now. Couldn’t deal with trying to explain it all to Ben when he was still trying to figure it all out himself.
His heart ached. He thought of Alan and all the good times they had traveling together, and the tears started flowing all over again.
