Sunday, October 6 -Ocean Wandererat sea, later that day
Ben paced. He was trying to be patient, but it was difficult. He had returned to his suite hoping that he would hear something more from Rob, but so far, nothing. He had skipped lunch and should probably think about getting something to eat, but his stomach was churning a bit and he wasn’t sure he could keep anything down.
What if Rob decided that he wanted nothing more to do with him? Would Ben be able to convince him that there was something real between them?Wasthere something there, or was it just wishful thinking on Ben’s part?
No, there was some spark between them. They’d both admitted to feeling it. Hell, Benstillfelt it. He wanted Rob. Wanted to spend time with him, to get to know him better. Wanted to kiss him, to do more than just kiss him.
What would it feel like to hold Rob’s naked body close to his? To feel their hard cocks rub against each other? To plant kisses down his torso and take his time tasting every inch of him?
Argh! His rambling thoughts were getting him nowhere. Well, it was getting him worked up, but that wasn’t helping anything right now, was it?
Please, Rob. Please tell me you still want me. Please tell me you want to try.
* * *
Rob closed the journal and carefully set it on the desk in the bedroom. He paced in the cabin, moving from the bedroom to the living room and back again. This wasn’t helping. Why couldn’t he settle down? Skyping with Sam had helped a lot. It always did. She could talk him off the ledge like no one else. Well, except Alan. But Alan wasn’t here, so he couldn’t think about that. He still felt a bit antsy, so he lay down on the bed, trying to calm himself down a bit before he called Ben. He wanted a clear head when they talked. He grabbed his phone, opened his favorite meditation app and picked a ten-minute session that he hoped would calm and center him.
“Okay, Rob,” he whispered aloud. “Calm down. Take a deep, cleansing breath.” After a few moments, his breathing slowed and he felt himself begin to relax.
“Hey, Robbie. How are you feeling?”
“Alan? What the fuck?! How is this possible? How are you here?” Ben turned and saw Alan lying beside him, smiling.
“You’re dreaming, silly. All that worrying and overthinking about Ben really did a number on you. When you started up that meditation app, you drifted off and I decided to pay you a visit. Man, when you get stuck inside your brain, you really get stuck, dontcha? Stop overthinking it, Rob. Listen to Sam. Ben’s a good guy. I like him. And I think he’s just what you need. He’s calm and doesn’t get flustered very easily. He can keep you out of your own head. Probably even better than I could.” Alan grinned gently.
“But I miss you so much, Alan. Why did you have to die?”
“Sorry darling, not my fault. The ticker gave out. But enough about me, I’m gone and we can’t change that. But you can move on and sweetheart, I think it’s time. You need someone else in your life. Take what Ben has to offer. I’m glad he’ll be there to keep an eye on you.”
“Really, you’re not upset?”
“Why would I be upset? He’s already fallen really hard for you, Rob. Don’t be afraid. I love you.”
“I love you too, Alan. Always.”
Rob opened his eyes, momentarily disoriented. He looked at his phone and realized that almost forty minutes had passed. Wow. Had Alan really visited his dreams? Somehow, his heart felt lighter than it had before.
Hauling himself off the bed, Rob stripped, and turned on the shower. Once the water had warmed up, he stepped in and washed his hair, then scrubbed at his body, feeling better with each passing minute. He thought back to Alan in that dream–it was a dream, right? It’s not like Alan was actually lying next to him in bed, after all. In that moment Rob realized that he could think about Alan and be sad that he was gone, but it wasn’t debilitating like it had been before.
Then he remembered Alan’s note and the line ‘To new adventures!’ that he wrote at the end. That was the same thing Ben said when he toasted yesterday at the bar. Yes, this was going to be a new adventure for him. For both of them if they could manage it. Damn it, he did deserve some happiness, right?
He dried off, shaved and combed his hair, before pulling on a pair of jeans and a soft gray Henley.
He was going to call Ben, just as Sam had suggested, but then chickened out at the last minute. Instead, he texted.
Is it OK if I call you?
Almost immediately, his phone rang. It was Ben.
He hit Accept. “Hi.”
“Hi, Rob. How are you? I’ve been worried about you.” Rob could hear concern, and a bit of nervousness, in Ben’s voice.
“I know and I’m so sorry I made you worry. I had a little meltdown then a long Skype call with Sam; she talked me off the ledge and maybe kicked my ass a little.”
“Remind me to send her flowers, okay?” Ben sighed a bit, sounding relieved.
Rob chuckled. “Sure, but we can’t spoil her like that all the time. She enjoys it too much.”
