“So, what’s going on, Rob? Are you really okay?” Rob could hear a bit of apprehension creeping back into Ben’s voice.
“Yeah, I am.” Rob said. Trying to sound convincing so as to ease Ben’s worry. “I’m a lot better now, but I’m still a work in progress. I was wondering if we could talk. I’m sorry I shut you out this morning. That wasn’t fair to you and I apologize. I just couldn’t think straight and needed some time. But how I handled it wasn’t fair to you.”
He paused, thinking of what to say next.
“So, can we talk? Now, if you have time and if you’re willing. I can come down to your suite. Well, if you’re in your suite. I just realized I don’t even know where you are right now.”
“Yes, I’m in my suite and yes, we can talk right now. And you can come here, or I can go to you if that’s easier.”
“I’d rather come to you, I need to get out of this room for a bit, if that’s okay?”
“Sure, come on down. I’ll be waiting for you.”
After putting on his sneakers, Rob grabbed his phone and headed for the door. Suddenly, he realized he'd forgotten his OceanAccess band and while retrieving it, he tucked his journal under his arm. Ben deserved to see what caused his meltdown.
Rob slowly walked down the corridor to Ben’s suite. He felt nervous and anxious and tried to calm his breathing as he walked.
He reached the door and rang the bell.
“Hey, Rob. Please come in.”
Rob watched Ben take a step forward then stop, as if he wasn’t sure what to do or how to act right now. Rob cringed inwardly, realizing he was the cause of Ben’s uncertainty right now.
Rob reached forward and put his arms around Ben, hugging him tight. “I’m so sorry for what I put you through this morning.”
“I forgive you, Rob. I just want you to be okay.”
They sat, Rob on the sofa and Ben taking one of the chairs as if wanting to give Rob some space.
“Do you want something to drink?”
“Water would be great. I might need something stronger later, though.” Rob winked and he saw Ben visibly relax.
Ben got two bottles of water from the fridge and, handing one to Rob, sat back down.
“So even though I wanted to sleep in this morning, I ended up waking up really early. I couldn’t fall back to sleep, so I got up and made some coffee. I was going to read for a while, but I saw my travel journal and decided to add a new entry. I’m usually good about adding something new every day I’m on a trip, but I never opened it in Barcelona, so I wanted to catch up.”
He smiled at Ben, “I’m blaming you for my lax behavior in keeping up with my entries. You definitely distracted me.”
“Sorry, not sorry.” Ben grinned back.
“So, I sat at the dining-room table with my coffee and this journal.” He turned the book toward Bren, showing him the cover. “This is a photo of Santorini, Greece. I took the photo years ago on the first Mediterranean cruise Alan and I went on. I manipulated the image to give it an artsy look and thought it would make a cool cover. I even designed the inside pages to include the info that I want to remember whenever I travel. It’s very special to me; I’ve been using it for quite a few years.
“I opened it and saw that the last page in thetripssection was from our last cruise, so I flipped to the back of the book where I keep a section with blank pages. I can add them in when I need to for a new trip.”
Rob flipped open the book, showing Ben how it was arranged.
“And when I got to the back section, this is what I found.” He took the page containing Alan’s note and gently pulled it from the binding disks. He was careful not to tear it so that he could put it back in the journal later.
He handed the page to Ben.
Ben took the page and Rob waited anxiously while he read it. When Ben suddenly looked up, his eyes wide, mouth gaping open, Rob was a little worried.
A tear rolled down Ben’s cheek. He stared at Rob, “Oh my God. I’m so very sorry.”
Tears filled Rob’s eyes again. “Thank you. It was awful. I was in shock. I just sat there and sobbed.”
Rob shook his head and looked down, ashamed to meet Ben’s gaze. “And then I panicked. I felt guilty for feeling something for you. I felt guilty for not staying home and mourning my dead husband. I couldn’t think. So I texted you and said I couldn’t meet you for breakfast. I didn’t know how to tell you I was having a meltdown, so I just avoided you.”
