“Mine’s dumbest of all,” he says. “I kicked a pole.”
I glance at his foot. “And didthat?”
“I kicked it six times. With my ankle bone.”
“Jesus Christ!” Preethi yells.
“It worked,” Gray says. “I broke it pretty well. Well enough to get my mom to let me stay at her new place some of the time.” His face is unguarded in a way it hasn’t been all day. I think back to my sketch of the two Grays fighting. I can’t help hoping that this version—the one brave enough to be vulnerable—wins.
“I’m sorry I pushed you to tell us about your parents before,” I say.
“Just don’t do it again,” he says, seesawing back to being as prickly as ever.
“Jesus Christ, I was just trying to help you.”
“I don’t need any help!” he snaps.
“Guys, come on,” says Lilliam.
Joey starts laughing. “Mom and Dad are fighting,” he says.
“You guys getting divorced?” Preethi asks, smiling.
“Neither of you are rich enough to take custody of me,” Lilliam says.
Gray starts laughing. I can’t help staring. He’s kind of beautiful when he laughs. I imagine his timeline of photos, little Gray, happy Gray, sad and confused Gray, angry Gray. Hopefully one day he’ll be happy Gray again.
Ms. Waters’s phone alarm beeps. “Our time is almost up,” she says as she dismisses it. She rubs her fingertips back and forth across her forehead, like she’s trying to make up her mind about something. Finally she nods, having come to a decision.
“Earlier today, you guys assumed that because this is my second marriage that I’m divorced, but I’m not. I’m a widow,” she says. “My first husband died. Car crash.”
“Ms. Waters, I’m so sorry—” I start.
“You couldn’t have known,” she says, waving me off. “We were high school sweethearts. He was my first love. I thought he was going to be my only love. For a long time, I was angry. Just as angry as you are, Gray.”
She lets Gray puzzle over this for a moment before explaining, “Like, how dare the world take him away from me?”
Gray gives a nod so small it’s barely perceptible. But I see it.
Ms. Waters continues. “We’d known each other since we were fourteen. I didn’t know what love meant without him. I didn’t know who I even was without him.”
Now she sucks in a deep breath. “My anger was bad. But my despair was even worse. It wasn’t just that love couldvanish like you said, Isabel. It was that it could be taken from you. One day you have everything. And the next?”
I find myself leaning forward.
“The next,” says Ms. Waters, “nothing.”
Everyone shifts in their seats. This is a far cry from the happy-happy inspirational therapy session I’d been dreading. Sorry, Bob Marley, but it’s not as simple as everything being all right. This is something different, something I realize I’ve been hungry for. This is someone saying, out loud, my fears and sorrows.
“I didn’t think I would love anyone again the way I loved my first husband,” says Ms. Waters. “I didn’t even want to. I didn’t want to feel anything. Just like you, Lilliam.”
She turns to look at her before moving on to Joey.
“I wanted to escape from everything, just like you do, Joey. A year or so later, I started feeling the way you do, Isabel, like I’d lost some important part of myself. A better and happier part that I could never get back.”
She’s looking at me now. Not smiling or frowning or pitying, just looking. She clasps her hands together. “The truth is, none of us make it through life unscathed and unchanged. We change, sometimes for the better, sometimes not. Life can do a number on you.”
“Like six seven,” blurts Joey. The whole room groans.
