She flinches as if my words slashed at her, but goddammit, I don’t want to be the bad guy. We had our options. Our plans. She can’t just ask me to ditch it all.
Isn’t that what I asked of her?
That’s different.My pulse grows erratic. I’m willing to sacrifice not one but two Cross businesses to keep my brothers happy. But it would take comfort and security from the only woman I’ve ever been crazy about. I’m still tied to those horses, and she’s just swatted their asses.
My skin pulls tight, and my chest constricts. “You know what this would mean for me and the guys.”
“I know I’ll be the only tent pole holding it all down until you three realize how much it all means to you. Unless you like being alone in your castles.”
“I will be if you force my hand!”Shit.I pace, hands propped on my hips. The sound of my steps fills the room. What will the guys do if I take Meredith’s side? How betrayed will they feel if I…turn into our father?
“I’m going to make my decision soon,” she says, too damn calm. A warning bell rings deep in my brain. “It’s going to be about what I want. What’s good forme.” The lip tremble returns. “Scandal is my home. Sawyer is the closest thing to family I have.”
“What are you saying?”Don’t tell me. I grind my molars together. My stomach pitches left and right until I might heave all my chicken. She’s the one who wanted time to decide, and here I am, pushing her.
Anguish fills her eyes. “Calder, you asked me to consider moving, but when I asked you to stay, your reaction was instant. It told me everything. Itansweredeverything. I said I would never give everything up for a guy again, and I’ve got to stay true to that.”
I’m the one who had happiness dangled in front of me, only to watch it get crushed like my dad’s car.
FORTY-FOUR
MEREDITH
My hands are still shaking. Molly and Brenner arrived before I could make things worse between me and Calder. Much as we tried to act normal, they could tell something was wrong. Calder left shortly after, probably taking that time to consider whether he really wants me to move in with him. I beelined out of there shortly after.
If tonight’s busy, I’ll feel like trash for ditching the place, but I do have to wake up early tomorrow to move cattle before the temperature climbs too high.
I’m curled into the corner of Sawyer’s couch. She’s not home yet. I used the extra key she gave me years ago to get in, feed her cats, and let Simba outside.
A shudder racks my body. I haven’t cried yet. Sobs are begging to be freed, but I keep them tightly bound. I’ll have plenty of time to cry when Calder and his brothers are gone. A part of me is holding out hope that he’ll stay. He’ll choose me. The rest of me doesn’t want there to have to be a choice. Why is it all-or-nothing?
The front door opens, and Sawyer comes through the entry. Dirt covers her face, forming a line where she had a ball cap on. The grungy Scandal Vet Clinic cap hangs from her hand.
“Did you bring beer?” she asks.
I nod. “And chocolate.”
“Cheese?”
“Of course. And chips and dip.”
“Girl dinner time. I’m going to shower first.”
While she cleans up, I dig out the stuff I brought. I grabbed a six-pack from the brewery and stopped at the grocery store. Piling a plate with peanut butter cups and chocolate-covered almonds, my stomach growls. My lunch was interrupted by a fight with Calder.
I carry everything back to the living room just as Sawyer emerges from the hallway, smelling like strawberries and cream in the sunshine. Her damp tresses hang over her shoulders, and two tiny wet spots form on her blue T-shirt.
“Isn’t that Kelly’s?”
“He hasn’t asked for it back, and it’s an amazing nightshirt.” She folds her bare legs together and grabs a Razzy. Then she loads up a plate with chips. “So? What did Calder do?”
I give her the rundown, starting with the job offer.
She gasps and smiles wide. “Oh my god, Mer. That’s amazing!”
“Is it?”
Confusion lines her brow. “You should be proud you got headhunted.”
