Pride is the last thing I feel. Calder’s face keeps flashing in my head. How distraught he was when I made the castle comment. He’s worried about ruining what little relationship he has with his brothers. Can’t he see it’s barely a connection if they all disperse on Saturday with no anchor between them? They’ll have all their material needs met, and nothing else. Meanwhile, I’ll give that up in order to be around the place that has become my home.
Some tears try to sneak through, but I power through. I run my finger around the top of my unopened beer, concentrating on the cool, smooth metal and not the bite of pain behind my eyes. “I think we’re done, Saws. It wasn’t supposed to be like this. He’ll be gone like he was never here. At least you have a shirt to show for Kelly.”
“You can keep one of Calder’s.”
Pain lances through my chest, and my vision blurs.
She sets her can down. “I’m so sorry.”
I wave her off and blink away the tears. “No. I don’t want to cry. I want to eat while you commiserate.”
“You know I do. I would miss the ranch. You know, I like working there so much. I get to call the shots. Ransom knew brewing almost as well as you do, and he knows ranching, but he doesn’t know veterinary medicine. He had to defer to me. At the clinic, everyone defers to Kelly, and yes, he’s older and more experienced, but sometimes he’s wrong, or he’s not the only one who’s right.”
“Do you think keeping it is the right thing to do?”
She pauses with a chip to her mouth. “I don’t know, but I’m living in my parents’ house that I refuse to leave because it’s literally all they left me.”
“The brewery is a shrine to Julia, and when they’re in there working? I believe all the stories Holly used to tell me about them being close.”
“The ranch is the same. It’s their dad’s blood, sweat, and tears. It’s a sweet sentiment, but Meredith.” There’s a warning in her tone. “Is that the only reason you don’t want to sell?”
Acid washes up my throat, and the junk I’ve eaten weighs like lead. “I’m…scared. I could’ve gone to Denver and hoped Calder would stay interested in me. I could work for Duncan. I can do anything. If we sell, I’ll have to start over, and there’s no sister and brother-in-law to save me.”
There’s no Ransom to eat a late-night snack and talk shop with. No Holly to chat with about who came into the brewery. No more horseback rides or picnics.
There’s no Calder. Just me.
Maybe it’s time to figure out who I am on my own.
We don’t speak for a while. The munching of chips fills the air.
“This sucks.” I dust off my fingers.
Sawyer barks out a laugh. “Yeah.” She grabs a handful of almonds, tosses one in the air, and tries to catch it in her mouth. It bonks her in her nose.
I grab an almond and do the same. It hits my tooth and bounces out.
She giggles, and I laugh. Finally, some of the heaviness of the day lifts.
“Maybe I can move in with you.” I unwrap a peanut butter cup. “I’ll agree to sell, and we’ll live together, and we can do weird things to get people talking, like staring out the window at passersby and then flipping the curtain shut when they see.”
She tsks. “Kids already walk by my house and think I’m the crazy cat lady.”
“Because you are. You yell at them to get off your lawn.”
“When they ride their bikes over my grass after it rains! Have you seen how chewed-up it gets?” She swallows the rest of her beer. “I guess we’ll have to see what you decide.”
“It’s weird how we’re supposed to be unanimous but it’s all coming down to me. No discussion.”
She rattles the almonds left in her hand. “Is that how you want to live?”
My future would be wide open, but taking that first step after it ended in a car-alarm fuck last time…It’s hard.
My chocolate-covered almonds are melting in my hand. I toss them into my mouth. They turn to dust on my tongue, andI have to down some beer just to keep them from clogging my throat. More tears threaten to gather. I wipe my mouth with the back of my wrist.
“I have to make a decision, and I think I know what it has to be.”
FORTY-FIVE
