Mother took his arm, and McCarthy glided quietly through the door that led to the back of the house. “Nicholas, your father and I hadn’t even thought to start preparing you for a woman like that to enter your life when she did.”
“He shouldn’t have had to teach me anything. Watching how he lived should have been enough.”
Mother shook her head. “You were young, and that was a hard time in our family. Your father loved you, and as upset as he was for what was happening in your life, he was even more upset with himself. He’d been so focused onhisreputation and position in Society that he didn’t get around to teaching you to protect yours until it was too late.”
Nicholas blinked hard. “I wish I could go back and do everything differently. I wasn’t trying to be scandalous with Lady Plymton. I’d honestly thought myself in love and had been too blinded by passion to see the truth that was so apparent to everyone else in London.”
“Thinking you are in love with someone isn’t a sin.”
“But stupidity might be.”
Mother laughed. “No, if it were, no one would be entering the gates of heaven. Especially not your mother. I’ve done things I’m not proud of because of stupidity as well, Nicholas. We all have.”
And even though Mother made no mention of her leaving him with Patience so soon after Father died so she could find joy in Paris, he knew that was exactly what she was talking about. “I’mglad you are here. It turns out I’m not quite ready to handle all my problems on my own.”
“No one ever has to be. I should’ve remembered that when I left the two of you to deal with my problems alone.” And then a strange thing happened. Mother folded herself into Nicholas’s chest and rested her head against his shoulder. It took Nicholas a breath or two longer than it should have for him to remember exactly what he was supposed to do in these types of situations, but eventually his hand made it to her back, and he pulled her into him.
The last time he’d embraced her, he must have been young, for she seemed especially frail now. He swallowed hard, tamping down the emotions that rose up at the thought. “Mother, there is something I have to tell you.” She nodded but didn’t pull away. He leaned back just enough to see her face while keeping his arm around her. She glanced up at him. “I’m going to speak with Lady Mercy about marriage. If all goes well, her family might announce an engagement at their upcoming ball. But I want you to know you will always have a place with us.”
Mother’s eyes brightened. “Oh, Nicholas, congratulations.”
“Your congratulations are a bit premature.” Nicholas wasn’t entirely certain Lady Mercy wanted to marry him, but he was more than ready to find out.
Mother ignored him, her shoulders lifting and her face smoothing out, as if she were years younger. “We’ll be having a wedding.” Celebrations were Mother’s specialty. She handled them much better than hardships. So much for his time of peace and quiet. Mother might move into the dower house, but having a novelty like Lady Mercy in their home would most likely mean Mother and Nicholas would be vying for his new wife’s attention. But oddly, the thought didn’t disturb him. Perhaps Mother’s singing wouldn’t be quite so unbearable if he had Lady Mercy here to share in his torment.
Mother’s eyes clouded and then shifted to the door. “You aren’t proposing because of that woman, are you?”
“No, I’m proposing because of Lady Mercy. I can’t have anyone thinking I am only leading her on or that my intentions aren’t honorable, because they are. I want only what is best for her, and I hope that is me. With Lady Plymton here in London, people are bound to talk. It wasn’t as though we were discrete, even though since she was engaged, we should have been. Like I said, I was an idiot. I won’t be again.”
Mother took a step back and grasped both of his elbows. “Are you in love with Lady Mercy?”
This was a question he should know the answer to, especially if he planned to propose. A niggle of worry reared its head, but Nicholas pushed it down. Marriage was an enormous step. Of course he would be nervous. “I might be.” Mother raised an eyebrow. His answer must not have been the right one. “I can’t imagine building a life with anyone else. And I’m tired of being apart from her. I want her here. I want to claim her as family.” And, more than anything, he didn’t want to have to hold himself back the next time she was in his arms.
Mother squeezed his elbows and smiled. “That is more that most couples start with. It will be enough.”
Chapter 23
Nicholas tapped his fingers idlyon the chess table where he and Lady Mercy had played the past several weeks. Their pieces were still in place, waiting for the two of them to be in the room together so they could finish their game. He was early for the ball, and with all the preparations the family was certain to be busy with, today would not be the day they finished. He should have made an appointment. He was bullocks at courting. He simply wanted to be engaged and have the whole thing settled. He’d nearly kissed Lady Mercy in the Zoological Garden, and the feel of her in his arms had haunted him ever since.
The sooner he was engaged, the better. Lady Mercy would walk through the door with her parents. He would ask to speak to Lord Driarwood, and after he was given permission, he would return here, give Lady Mercy the present he’d brought her and ask her to be his wife.
Wife.
His fingers drummed faster, then stopped.
Wife. He closed his eyes. When Ottersby had suggested the idea of marriage, Nicholas had been quite certain his brother-in-law was delusional. Now no other course in life made any sense to him. Nothing in the past few years had made him more excited than sitting with Mother sorting through all of the family jewelry until he’d found the perfect piece to bring Lady Mercy today.
Mother had raised an eyebrow at his choice but hadn’t said anything. She trusted him to know what would best suit Lady Mercy, and Nicholas had no doubt he’d chosen well.
The door crept open slowly, and he jumped to his feet in order to greet Lord and Lady Driarwood. But only Lady Mercy set foot in the room. Her eyes were wary and downcast, her hands together at her waist, with her fingers playing each other like a harp.
He looked behind her, but she was alone.
“Your parents?” he asked.
She took a deep breath and squeezed her eyes nearly shut. “They are seeing to some last-minute preparations for tonight’s ball and asked me to come speak with you.”
“Alone.”
