He gives my hand a quick squeeze before letting go.
I’m not sure what I’m doing.
Both Ripp and JJ know I’ve been hanging out with each of them. Neither one has said anything, but I saw the resignation in Ripp’s eyes and the surprise in JJ’s.
“My whole life has been nothing but almosts,” he says, leaning over to pluck some wildflowers beside the path in the park. He winks at me as he tucks a couple behind my ear.
“You were invited to Rock Am. That’s an impressive feat,” I say, hoping to cheer him up.
He turns his head from my searching look, dropping my hand to pick up a stick. “Sure.”
“Ripp?” Did I bring up a bad subject?
He sighs as he strips the twigs from the stick. We continue down the path. “Sorry. It’s just family stuff. Long story.”
“You can tell me about it.” I place my hand on his back, wanting to reassure him I care. He’s kept my secrets. I’d keep his.
“I’d rather not ruin our day.” He slows while looking down at me again. “There is something I want to say, though.” Tossing the stick aside, he takes my hands in his.
Apprehension grips me. All our texts, calls, even the time we’ve spent together stalls out right before we address our feelings.
For a few seconds, my eyes lock on a tree down the path. A fuzzy feeling of déjà vu comes and goes before Ripp’s voice pulls me back.
“I know we’ve only known each other a few weeks. I know you’re battling some… personal things…”
His laugh makes me turn on the worn path. “I call unfair advantage!” His feet are bare, running over the rocks jutting up from the path.
Giddy. I feel loved up, on top of the world.
“To the tree!” he calls out, gaining on me.
His name sits on the tip of my tongue…
My attention is back on Ripp when he wraps his arms around me, pulling me into a hug. “...never felt like this before. But I don’t know how you feel about me. And you’re seeing JJ…” his voice fades out.
I hug him back, the side of my face pressed to his chest. My mouth closes tight. I’m not sure how to describe my feelings. At odds? Divided? The person I’m most enthralled by doesn’t exist?
Ripp lets go to look at me. “I don’t need any declarations or anything. I just wanted to tell you that I like you… a lot. More than I’ve ever liked anyone.”
Does he understand I’m going to be gone soon? Do I remind him of that?
“I like you, too. But you know about my-”
He stops me with a kiss. I don’t respond right away.
Then it hits me how precious little time there might be left. I go up on my tiptoes, my hands finding his cheeks as I pull him in closer, leaning into his kiss.
We break apart slightly, and Ripp whispers, “That’s right… you’re here, you’re alive. I could die suddenly tomorrow. We don’t know what might happen. Let’s not waste the time we have.”
I push all my worries to the back of my mind. He’s right. No one can predict the future. We’re in a beautiful park on a fall day, the trees just starting to turn color, the air warmer than it should be for the season. I have a handsome man looking at me like I mean something to him.
Why can’t I undo the tangled mess of my heart?
With the sun shining brightly behind his head, my mystery man leans down. His hand caresses my cheek. “Biz, promise me.”
My heart pounds. I know I can’t. Why? It teases at the edge of my mind.
“Biz?”
