“That’s very kind of you to say,” they said.
“I mean it,” Titan insisted.
Their eyes met once more.
Titan couldn’t stop himself from asking, “What does it…feel like?”
“Normal, I guess. It’s been years. It hurt a lot at first,” they admitted.
The thought of Augustine in pain made Titan’s chestache.
“If I woke up tomorrow and looked like I did before, I don’t know if I’d go through it again,” they said.
Titan wasn’t sure what overcame him in that moment, but without thinking, he reached for Augustine. His hand stopped a few inches before making contact and just hovered there. Augustine’s eyes widened in surprise. At that, Titan quickly retracted.
“Sorry. I didn’t mean to—I don’t know what—”
“Titan,” Augustine said in a reassuring voice. “Do you want to touch me?” they asked.
Titan’s gaze dropped to the floor. He was confused, having never done anything like that. Part of him wanted to flee. But a larger part was telling him to stay. To surrender to his impulses. To let himself be closer to Augustine. He nodded slowly, having no idea how this was going to work and being terrified of making a mistake.
“Would that be okay?” he asked.
Augustine’s expression shifted to one of determination as they nodded.
They both sat unmoving—Titan too afraid of initiating, Augustine looking like they were worried he’d lose his nerve.
“Can I help?” Augustine asked, setting an open hand on the bed between them.
Titan unfolded his fingers and placed his own into theirs. Augustine’s palm was dry but soft. He hoped they wouldn’t notice how sweaty and shaky his hand was as their fingers curled gently around his.
Guiding him carefully, Augustine lifted his hand to their chest, not releasing until his palm was flat against them. Titan sucked in a sharp breath through his nose and squeezed his eyes shut at the contact. He didn’t pull away, though.
“Hey, are you okay?” Augustine asked.
Titan exhaled, and his expression softened. “I’m okay,” he said. It was an understatement.
It was an indescribable sensation. He could feel Augustine’s steady heartbeat—unlike his own, which was pounding with fear and excitement. He felt their chest rise and fall with even breaths. Titan couldn’t remember the last time, if ever, he had felt the skin of another person. They guided his hand along their frame. Titan felt Augustine’s warm, smooth skin, rib bones, muscles, scars. Raised ridges, different from the rest, yet wholly theirs. He could even feel the vibrations of their voice as they spoke.
“Still okay?” Augustine asked.
Titan nodded.
“What are you thinking?” they said.
“I like this…I like you. All of you,” he confessed.
“I’m sorry you were in so much pain.”
Augustine took a deep breath. “It’s okay, because I’m better now. I healed.”
Titan kept his hand there a few moments longer before letting it fall back into Augustine’s.
“Thank you for letting me see you,” he said.
“I like you too, you know. All of you. Your scars aren’t like mine, but I see them,” Augustine said.
They lingered for a while, staring into the mirror. Titan didn’t move as Augustine got up and put on their shirt. He just kept thinking about the feeling of their skin, of his hand in theirs, relishing the memory. He thought to himself that for the first time in his life, he was okay with being seen.
