“Don’t ever fucking do that again.”
As my enlarged eyes blink, more tears cascade down my cheeks, and I stutter on my words.
“I just wanted to. I just wanted to take—”
He shakes his head once while keeping his harsh stare on me.
“I will never be known in your mind as him in any way, do you fucking understand me?”
I give the smallest nod I can muster, and he continues.
“I will not allow you to do that to your fucking self or to me.”
I swallow hard before lowering my watery gaze to my shaky hands.
“I just wanted to help you.”
When I lift my eyes, his are wide again and glazed with tears. He sniffles and glances aside, his pain on full display.
“I don’t need your fucking help. I just need to bury my brother and get on with shit.”
My eyes close and I whisper.
“Okay.”
My heart aches as I am rejected once again. Feeling useless in this situation as always, we look at one another one last time before I turn around. As I stride quickly back to the living room to head upstairs, I hear him call out to me.
“Charley!”
I ignore him, hastily going to his bedroom, tears continuously building in my eyes.
When I enter, I throw myself on the bed and bury my face into the pillow, muffling my sobs. The fabric soaks up my tears as flashbacks of Chaos flood my mind. My heart hurts for him, longing for him to be here and feel his love. In this moment, I need him more than ever, yet he is not here. He is gone, never to be seen or touched again and I am struggling so much to come to terms with it.
As my tears spill over the material, I feel the bed lower, and I freeze. Reign lays beside me from behind, wrapping his big arm around my midsection, pulling me in close to his warm body. As I cling onto his arm with everything I have, I snuggle against him with my eyes closed, relishing his cuddles and he kisses my wet cheek before whispering in my ear.
“I’m sorry, beautiful.”
Sweat drips from my face as I wipe my mouth with the back of my hand. I push myself away from the toilet bowl, standing on shaky legs as I attempt to catch my breath.
Once I have flushed it, I turn around and head over to the sink to wash my hands and brush my teeth.
It is the morning of Chaos’s funeral, and I find myself trapped in a state of numbness, overwhelmed, and paralyzed by the thought of saying goodbye to the man I love, but I know I must gather the strength to be there for Reign.
Staring at my reflection in the mirror, I dry my hands and lips with a towel before adjusting my black fascinator, letting thedelicate netting drape over half of my face. As tears threaten to blur my vision and ruin my mascara, I compose myself, the feeling becoming natural, and I push the emotions aside. With an unsteady hand, I apply a coat of red lipstick, the color a somber tribute to the harrowing occasion.
I reflect on the past week and the unhealthy silence that has enveloped me and Reign. We have not found solace in one another's company, haven’t united to get through the depths of our grief together.
I am battling this darkness alone; lost in the haunting echoes of my own trauma and the challenges I am about to face. Just when I thought I was breaking free from the chains that bound my soul after everything I went through with Maddox, Chaos’s death added another heavy padlock, locking me to an abyss of sadness from which I cannot escape.
I step away from the counter in Reign’s bathroom, scanning my simple black dress in the mirror before meeting my own eyes in the reflection once more. Without allowing myself to change my mind on going, I turn in my tall heels and head for the bedroom. Retrieving my bag from the bed and slipping on my jacket, I make my way downstairs in search of Reign. As I descend the grand staircase, the open front door makes me realize he is already waiting in the car for me.
As soon as I step outside of the mansion, I close it behind me, staring at the black car in front of me with tinted windows. I open the back door before ducking inside, noticing Reign right away. He gazes out of the darkened glass beside him, lost in his own thoughts as usual.
Once I am settled in my seat, the driver pulls away, heading toward Chaos’s final resting place. On the way there, Reign and I remain silent, both buried deep in the depression. I feel as if I have lost my voice once again, unsure of how to provide comfort when I am grappling with my own emotions.
When we arrive at the cemetery, I am taken aback by the large crowd, including paparazzi. I had not thought about this level of attention. While I knew Chaos was famous and had fans, I had hoped for a more private goodbye. Reign growls beside me, his frustration clear at the sight of the unwelcome crowd which lets me know that it was supposed to be private after all. I reach over, placing my hand on his as the car comes to a stop, giving it a small reassuring squeeze and he glances down at it as I speak.
“It’s okay.”
