I don’t want to argue with him. And I hate letting him down. But setting boundaries for myself isn’t selfish.
Is it?
Damn. Working on this is going to be hard.
I remind myself of things Tessa has taught me…It’s okay if others get angry. It’s okay to say no. I am enough.
I’m glad Grandpa is happy about Carson and me, though.
Carson doesn’t have a game tonight, so he’s coming over for dinner. I end up taking home veal scaloppine al limone with carrots and rapini for our meal since I won’t have time to cook.
I do have time to shower, shave my legs, and apply my favorite First Rain body lotion.
Silly me. He’s my husband. But every time I’m going to see him, I get a little giddy.
The first few times we went out, he brought me flowers—my favorite freesia, sweet peas, and stocks that smell so fresh and beautiful. I asked him if he went by Mom’s flower shop so she could tell him what to get, and he was deeply offended. He remembered them.
As we eat dinner at the island in the kitchen, I tell him about my conversation with Grandpa.
“I feel so bad. He really wants someone in the family to take over.”
“It doesn’t have to be you.”
“I know. But I feel sad. Because I don’t think there’s anyone else. Maybe I’m making a mistake?”
He regards me thoughtfully as he chews a mouthful and swallows. “What did yournonnasay? Just as we were leaving?”
I think back. “Oh. She said, ‘Don’t set yourself on fire to keep others warm.’”
“Yeah.”
“Ohhhh. I see what she meant.”
He dips his head in agreement.
I poke a carrot with my fork. “It’s not easy.”
“Yeah. I know you care about your family.”
“I do. But the whole point of going back to college was to take care ofme, for once.”
He opens his mouth, then closes it, his jaw set. I can see he’s trying not to jump in and take charge. And my heart squeezes.
My cell phone rings. I reach across the counter to grab it from where I set it down. “It’s Grandma.”
Carson’s mouth pinches up.
“Hi, Grandma.” My stomach tightens.
“Hello, Ayla. How are you?”
“I’m okay. Just eating dinner, actually.”
“Oh, I’m sorry to interrupt. I can call back later.”
“No, no, it’s fine. How are you?”
We make some dumb small talk, then she says, “I hear you and Carson are not getting divorced after all.”
