“I’m doing that all wrong.” I flop back on the couch. I tell her about being with Carson for the weekend, but also that I’ve decided to sell the house so I won’t have anything connecting me to him anymore.
She approves of that idea. “You do need space to heal. However, sharing a hotel room with him for four days is probably not a good idea.”
I close my eyes. “Yeah.”
“The other thing to do is to relearn who you are as a sexual person without your ex.”
“Uh… does that mean having sex with other men?”
“That could be, yes.”
“I can’t do that.” The words pop out of me without thought.
“Why not?”
“I’m just not interested in anyone else.”
“That’s fine. Be patient. It might not happen right away. Don’t try to force it. Don’t use dating or sex as a way of moving on. You should be moving on first. Maybe consider masturbating regularly.”
“Oh, I dothatall right.”
“Good. You need to rediscover pleasure and intimacy outside your relationship with Carson. What you shouldnotdo is have sex with him. It might be tempting, but that just reopens old wounds and makes things harder.”
Her words piss me off. Like… was I hoping she would tell me Ishouldsleep with Carson? Get it out my system?Ha.“Understood.”
“Just remember that being sexually attracted to your ex isn’t a sign of weakness or failure. Rather, it’s evidence of how strong and meaningful your sexual connection was.”
“It was,” I say in a small voice.
“It also shows your capacity for love and intimacy. It might take time to get past that, but this depth will be important in future relationships.”
“Okay. I get that.”
We chat a bit more and end the call. I drop my phone and lean my head back to reflect on what I just heard. Honestly, it’s kind of depressing. But at least I know it’s a normal part of a break-up and not something that’s wrong with me. It will take time and I may have not thought through this plan of bringing Carson here, but I’m taking the right steps by selling the house.
Why do I feel so sad?
Shit.
A knock at the door startles me. Is that Carson? No. He has a key.
I jump up and hurry over. It’s Rachel standing on the veranda. I fling open the door. “Perfect timing. Come in.”
“Okay, what in the holy chicken fried squirrel is going on? Spill the tea! I can’t believe you slept with him!”
“It was just sleep! We didn’t have sex.”
“Oh.” She almost looks disappointed.
I fill her in on yesterday’s events and how I want to jump Carson’s hot bones and ride him like a pony.
She grins. Then waves her hands in front of her face. “No, no. You can’t do that.”
My shoulders sag. “I know. Tessa told me that, too.”
“Did she tell you that taking your ex back is like trying to put poop back in your butt?”
My mouth drops open and then I collapse into giggles. “Rachel!”
