My chest seized.
This was it.
Mazzy stepped forward. “I can go—”
“No.” Katty’s voice was soft but stubborn. She reached for my hand, her little fingers curling around mine. “I want Daddy to come with me.”
The room tilted. Katty called me Benny or “my dad”. Never once until now had she called me “Daddy.” Tears burned the backs of my eyes. I had about half a second to let the word sink into my bones before I forced my face into something that looked like a smile.
“Okay, sweetheart,” I rasped, clearing my throat. “Daddy’s got you.”
I put on the scrubs the nurse had brought, probably looking as stupid as I felt since they were skintight. Clearly not sized for six-and-a-half-foot rugby players, but I made it work.
Mazzy took out her phone and snapped a picture. “You look cute.”
I scooped Katty up in my arms. “She’s cuter.”
Laughing softly, Mazzy took a picture of the two of us, then slipped her phone back in her pocket. With a deep inhale, she stepped forward, her hands on each of our arms.
“I love you both so much.”
Katty reached out to pet her mother’s hair. “It’s okay, Mommy. I’m not scared.”
Good thing she wasn’t. I was scared shitless. And when my eyes met Mazzy’s, the same fear reflected back at me. That made me feel marginally better. If the strongest woman I knew was a little afraid, maybe I wasn’t such a punk-ass wimp after all.
I dipped down, kissing Mazzy’s forehead. “Love you, baby. I’ll be right back.”
She nodded, her lashes fluttering as she blinked back tears. “See you guys soon.” She squeezed Katty’s hand. “We’ll be waiting for you. Right here.”
“Okay,” Katty whispered, her head falling onto my shoulder. “See you soon, Mommy.”
Steeling myself, I nodded to the nurse. “Lead the way.”
I’d faced down giants. Had had my head bashed in more times than I could count. And still, I walked back on the pitch without fear. Yet, the short walk to the operating room had me quaking in my sneakers in a way nothing else ever had.
From there, things went fast. Katty was situated on the operating table. A doctor explained what was going to happen. My daughter blinked up at me, giving me a brave smile. Then someone placed a mask over her nose and mouth, and her breaths became squeaky as her eyes grew heavy.
Then she was gone. Fast asleep, her hand limp in mine.
I took one last look at her, dread heavy in my gut, and forced myself to walk away.
Mazzy was waiting for me in the room, her arms open. I walked right into them while reminding myself not to fall apart. How could I support her if I did?
Once we got through this, I’d feel it.
Until then, I had to hold myself together for both my girls.
Chapter Thirty-five
Mazzy
Istillcouldn’tbelieveBen was here. Part of me was mad at him for potentially missing the championship, but the rest was so grateful to have him beside me, I could barely breathe from the weight of it.
This was nothing like last time. Nothing like I had expected it to be when I’d scheduled her surgery months ago. It was still scary. I felt like my heart had been removed from my chest with a dull spoon and was currently in an operating room around the corner.
But…it was bearable. Because Ben was standing in front of me, and he understood. He was feeling the same swirling panic, the same hopefulness this would work and everything would be okay, the same hollow ache where his heart should have been.
He didn’t have to tell me for me to see it. The second he walked back through the door, it had been written all over his face.
