I shook my head. “Never.”
His fingers twitched. “Do you love me?”
I nodded, my eyes stinging too badly to bear.
“I love you, baby.” He tugged on my hand, turning me to face him. “This is so fucking hard.”
“Yeah.” I had to close my eyes. I couldn’t stand seeing Ben sad. “I don’t know how to do this.”
His hand slid under my hair, squeezing my nape. “I don’t either.” His forehead dropped to mine. “I love you so much. I don’t want this to be us.”
I swayed into him, taking as much of this moment as I could. Forgetting, for now, I was mad at him for hurting me in a way I didn’t know how to get over.
His heart thumped wildly beneath my hand braced on his chest, and mine echoed his rhythm. Unease crawled over my skin. This wasn’t right. We weren’t supposed to be this way. Yet…all along, I’d known this was too good for me to keep. That was how it always went.
“Have you found a place to live there?” I asked in an effort to pull myself out of the dream of everything turning out okay.
His breath caught for a moment then released. “I’m looking.”
That was exactly what I’d needed to take a step back. “I’m really tired. I should get some sleep.”
His shoulders slumped, and I didn’t dare let my eyes graze his face. I wasn’t strong enough.
“I’ll see you tomorrow, Mazz.” Warm lips pressed against my forehead before he moved away from me. “Good night.”
“Night,” I whispered, only looking up after the door clicked shut.
Chapter Forty-one
Ben
Iscrolledthroughthelist of homes the Warriors’ realtor had sent me. Everything was beginning to look the same—white walls, gray floors, clean lines, big windows. Nothing that looked like a life. Nothing that looked like mine. Did I even care where I was going to be living if I was by myself? A hovel would be fine. I could rot there. Perfect place to drown my sorrows.
Christ.
My phone lit with a text notification, and I was only slightly disappointed to see it was my group chat. Stupid to hope it was Mazzy. Stupid to hope at all.
Roman:Status check.
Adrian:Alive and disgruntled.
Roman:So, status quo. Nate? Ben?
Nate:My office is beside yours. Do I really have to respond?
Roman:I know your physical status. I’m looking for emotional and mental.
Nate:It’s too early in the morning to get into that.
Adrian:It’s after 11.
Nate:Too early.
Roman:Okay, Nate’s hopeless. Benny?
Me:Here. Looking at houses in NZ.
Adrian:Really?
