Me:Yeah. Really.
Adrian:You’re going to go alone?
Roman:He’ll have the team. He won’t be alone.
Me:Do you expect me to pass up playing in New Zealand? I can’t do that.
Adrian:I just question the entire premise. If our dear mother hadn’t returned, would you be packing your bag to skedaddle out of town only months after reuniting with your long-lost daughter?
Me:I’d take her with me if I could. Iwanther there.
The icon for a video call flashed on the screen. With a sigh that scraped my throat raw, I accepted it. My brothers’ faces filled the screen, Adrian’s front and center.
He raised a brow. “You didn’t answer my question.”
Nate groaned. “Do I have to be part of this? I’m working.”
Adrian shrugged. “And I’m relaxing in my bed, but that isn’t preventing me from trying to stop Ben from making a dumbass decision.”
My chest tightened. “Tell me what you would do if you were me. Explain every step.”
Adrian shoved a lazy hand through his hair. “One, I would never be in your situation because I’m responsible and always use a condom. But, if you insist on impossible hypotheticals, I would acknowledge I’m old as hell and chasing a ball down under instead of being with the daughter whose life I’ve already missed far too much of is quite possibly the most self-destructive decision I could make. Then, I would get down on my knees and beg for the love of my life’s forgiveness for even considering leaving her and our daughter.” He stared into the camera, stone-faced. “But I’m not you. What do I know?”
Roman spoke up. “You’re reducing a complicated situation to the studs. It’s not so simple.”
Adrian blinked at him. “I just…really think it is. And trust me, I get wanting to avoid Louise like the plague. IfIcould move mycarcass to the other side of the globe until she kicked the bucket, I would. Alas, I have responsibilities here I can’t run away from.”
My jaw clenched, even though I shouldn’t have been surprised. This was so Adrian. He viewed the world in black and white, wrong and right, no in-between. He’d also never been an athlete and couldn’t possibly understand what he was suggesting I give up. Rugby had been mywholelife for so long. It was what saved me when I was miserable and lost.
“I’m not running away.”
He cocked his head. “Aren’t you?”
Nate cleared his throat. “Do what you need to do, Ben. If you feel going is the right choice, we’ll have your back. Mazzy and Katty won’t be alone. They’re part of the family now. Anything they need, we’ll be here for them.”
Kind. So damn kind. It scraped me open like claws. The implication was clear:You won’t be there, but we will.
Why did it feel like he’d poured acid on my chest until everything protecting my heart burned away?
“Agreed,” Roman said. “They’re ours now.”
They’re mine. Always.
“Right.” Adrian chuffed. “Don’t worry. We’ll take care of your girls while you’re off playing with those big balls. Of course, only one of them is your girl now, right?”
“Fuck off,” I rasped, my heart thumping raw and uneven. “This is my career you’re making light of. A big fucking part of my identity.”
“All right.” Adrian pushed up from the bed and wandered into his bathroom, his voice echoing off the tiles. “This conversation isn’t going anywhere, and I have to take a piss. If you decide to pull your head out of your ass and actually listen to yourself, give me a call. I can’t keep going around in circles with you, Benny.”
He left the call before I could respond.
Probably for the best. I didn’t know what the hell would’ve come out of my mouth.
Nate was next to go, claiming a meeting, leaving me with Roman.
If anyone would understand me, it was him. His career had been cut way too short, but he loved the game as much as I did.
“This is torture,” I said. “And Adrian’s an asshole. It’s not like I want to be without Kat. Mazz promised to bring her for visits. I’m not abandoning her…them. But how can I say no?”
