Roman nodded, looking pained. “You have fair points, and playing for the Warriors is a dream. I’m not judging you for wanting to go.”
“I sense a ‘but’ coming.”
He twisted in his office chair, the view of Denver behind him becoming visible. “Well, as much as his delivery could use some work, Adrian asked a good question.Wouldyou be leaving if the timing were different—if Mom hadn’t shown up when she did?”
“It’s theWarriors, Rome.”
“I know, and I get it.” He paused, rubbing his jaw. “If you can’t answer the question right now, you need to think about it. You also need to think about why you haven’t signed the contract yet. If you’re doubting this being the right thing to do, you need to acknowledge that and ask yourself why you feel that way.”
“What if I don’t want to?”
He huffed a laugh. “Trust me, I don’t want any of this either. I’d rather be spending time worshiping my wife for giving me a gorgeous daughter than waste a minute thinking about our mom, but this is where we are. It doesn’t matter what I want. She’s here, and I have to deal with it. Same for you, Ben. There’s nowhere you can go far enough to avoid reality.”
“That’s not what this is.” I let my head fall back on the cushion, staring up at the shadows dancing on the ceiling. “I want them to come with me.”
“It doesn’t seem like that’ll happen.”
The truth stung. Deep. I wasn’t even angry anymore. Just…empty. Disappointed. Despondent. How could I be angry at Mazzy for not wanting to give up her whole life for me?
“Would you go? If you were in my shoes, would you go?”
He hesitated, but only for a second. “No.”
“Yeah…” Roman had always been better than me. His answer was no wonder.
“Let me add this, Benny.” His voice softened, and I could almost see him putting on his protective brother cap. “Back when I was injured and my career ended, I would have given up pretty much anything to play again. The game becomes the reason your heart beats, and the team’s your family. The choice to let it go was out of my hands, and it really messed me up. You’re lucky you’ve gotten to play almost a decade longer and will be able to write your ending. Not everyone gets that. If you want to go out with bright lights and fanfare overseas, you can. There’s another choice, though. A quieter one, for sure. And I don’t think I have to explain what it is. If you make it, though, there’s a good chance you'll have all the people you love with you when you close the book. So, I guess you have to decide how important that is to you. I can’t make that choice for you.”
Throat burning, I screwed my eyes shut. “No matter what, I’m giving something up.”
“You are. That’s life. It’s not always fun. Sometimes, it’s shit. Sometimes, Mom comes back and throws everything into disarray. Sometimes, a dream is within grasp at the worst time ever. Sometimes, you meet a woman you never expected, and she makes everything better in a way you never thought possible.”
He was talking about Shira, but Mazzy’s face filled my mind instantly. Her pretty blue eyes behind her glasses. The way sheforgave without hesitation. The way she understood me even when I didn’t understand myself.
When the call ended, I didn’t move for a long time.
If I left, Mazzy would keep her promise and give me time with Kat. I knew she would.
But Mazzy would be gone. Even in the same room, she’d be out of my grasp, most likely for good.
The last week of that had been unbearable.
Could I spend the rest of my life that way?
There was no doubt in my mind, if I did this, chased one big dream, I’d be giving up another I’d never get back.
Chapter Forty-two
Mazzy
Theproblemwithworkingfor Miranda was nothing got past her. Not a typo. Not a late brief. Definitely not me trying to stare a hole through the same paragraph for the last twenty minutes.
“Mazzy.” Her voice whipped through the quiet office, snapping me out of my daze.
I blinked, caught in the act of looking straight through my computer screen. “Hmm?”
Miranda crossed her arms, her expression narrowed in the way that meant she was toggling betweenAre you dying?andDo I need to fire someone on your behalf?She leaned a hip against the edge of my desk.
“You’ve skimmed that same page at least three times.”
