“Until what?” I felt my own tears gathering again, my throat tight with emotion, my heart heavy with the sting of betrayal. “Until you realized that mortals die painfully and that being the Great Transformation and the Vast Almighty Fuckwhit of Time Immemorial isn’t such a bad gig after all?”
At this, he let out a small laugh, but it was hollow. I tried to look away, but he took my chin between his thumb and finger, gently tilting my face up until I had no choice but to look into his eyes.
“What I realized, little witch, was that living a mortal life would hold no joy for me if you were not living that life by my side. Everything I thought I’d wanted vanished under the bright light of your smile, and every time I heard your laugh or tasted your magic in the air or felt even the barest touch of your hair against my cheek, I swore I’d rather die a thousand deaths by your side than be human for a single day in a world that you no longer inhabited—a world where I’d spend every night dreaming that the woman I was falling in love with was curled up beside me, only to awaken to the chill of her absence and the emptiest ache a human heart could bear.”
“You… you’re falling in love with me?” I gasped at his words, each confession a tiny flame that surged and burned its way through my heart.
Liam smiled again, his cheeks coloring. “Another unforeseen complication, I’m afraid.”
God, that smile. I wanted him to kiss me. I wanted him to take me into his arms and promise me he’d find a way out of this for both of us. To convince me that his betrayals didn’t matter. That love was enough, and if we only had the chance to find our way back to each other—to grow and nurture that love—we could get past this.
But we were in hell, and hell was the place where all wishes died.
We couldn’t get past this any more than I could still become Death. Not because of the secrets or even the deal with Sebastian. But because there was too much still uncovered. Unconfessed. I saw the guilt of it lingering in his eyes, felt his shame in his touch.
As if he could read my thoughts, Liam said, “I’m sorry, Gray. For all that I’ve done. For all that I’ve yet to confess. For all the ways my words and deeds will cause you more pain.”
There was so much emotion, so much love in his eyes, anyone else would’ve melted before that gaze. But the longer Liam stared at me, the more enraged I became. It was more than the things he’d confessed, or even the secrets he still held. It was, I realized suddenly, that I’d started falling for him, too. And all along, he’d been something else—someoneelse—entirely.
Everything about us suddenly felt like a lie. Every memory was tainted. In that way, he’d stolen them from me—some of the most beautiful, meaningful moments of my life.
How could I have trusted him so easily?
Fury was lapping at my feet like a wave, and when I couldn’t take another second of his intense gaze, I finally exploded, letting that fury wash right over me, sucking the last of my patience out to sea.
“In all your training and mentoring,” I said, jabbing my finger into his chest, “you led me to believe it was for my own good, so I could learn to strengthen and direct my magic, to call upon my powers, to grow as a person. But it was really training camp for Death—a job that you no longer wanted. Something you called the loneliest, most difficult job ever.That’swhat you were to pass along to me.”
“I would have told you in time, but—”
“No. You kept me in the dark because you made a deal with my soul and couldn’t bring yourself to admit it. Meanwhile, you watched my best friend die, my other friends get kidnapped and tortured, the men I love risk their lives to save me from a Shadowrealm I banished myself to, all the while knowing you could’ve spared us this if only you’d been honest with me. No, I wouldn’t have chosen to become Death, so all of those things would’ve happened anyway, just like they did. But I had a right to know there was another way, and you kept that from me.”
“Gray, I—”
“All your rambling about choices and destinies and paths. All along, you were making my choices for me. I trusted you, Liam. I cared for you—more than you even realize. And when you told me things—about the realms, about my magic, about what I could do—I believed you.”
I blew out a breath of air, my body shaking, my heart pounding. Somewhere along the line I’d hopped on a roller coaster of understanding to frustration to forgiveness to anger to rage, and I still wasn’t ready to step off this crazy ride. The longer we talked, the more it hurt. And the worst part was that none of this even mattered. Not if I couldn’t find a way out of here. Eventually, Liam would have to leave, go back to his Death duties. And I’d be left here, alone with these feelings. With this blackness.
“I never misled you about your capabilities,” he said. “You and I were only just beginning to tap into your potential. Youcando all of those things. And more. So much more, Gray. ”
“Ah, but I can’t. Remember?” Angry tears threatened to spill, but I eradicated them with a quick swipe. I wouldnotlet my emotions lead me back into his warm embrace. Not now. “I’mhere. A permanent guest in Sebastian’s playground. Banished. No better off than I was I the Shadowrealm. All that’s missing is a visit from the Prince himself, come to introduce himself and gloat at his big win.”
“Gray, this wasn’t… Your ending up here had nothing to do with my deal.” Liam’s face paled, his shoulders slumping under the weight of whatever he was about to say next. “Remember, Sebastian was betting on your declining this opportunity. Per our arrangement, if I failed to properly train you or convince you to accept the honor, I… I was bound to burn your life scroll.”
“My life scroll?”
“Do you recall the soul ferrier you met the night Sophie passed? The owl I entrusted with her soul?”
I nodded, the familiar sadness of Sophie’s death clawing at my heart. It was a pain I’d learned to live with, but now it flared anew, as bright and strong as it had been in those first few days after her murder. For her, I did let those tears fall. They slid down my cheeks and into my mouth, the salty taste a reminder that I could still feel.
Liam cupped my face, gently catching my tears with his thumbs. I let him, desperate for the comfort, however brief it had to be.
“They take many forms,” he continued. “Owls, ravens, bats. Ferriers ensure safe passage of the recently deceased to the Shadowrealm. But that is not what marks a human’s death in the cosmic sense. Deep within the cosmos, at a distance beyond infinity, lies the Great Hall of Records. A library, essentially, that contains the life stories of all creatures. Their life scrolls.”
“Literally,” I said.
“Quiteliterally, yes.” He dropped his hands, and I canted forward, already missing his touch. Liam continued speaking, pretending he hadn’t noticed. “Every being is issued a blank scroll upon birth, upon which their life stories are written. Of course, what are stories but a series of choices, and as such, they are never written in permanent ink, for they are ever-changing. The only chapter that is final, immutable, is death. So when a being dies and passes into the Shadowrealm, it is Death’s responsibility to see that their scroll is burned. The burning is symbolic of the great transformation of the soul, and it’s how the natural order is kept in balance. There are never more scrolls—or living beings—than intended.”
In typical fashion, Liam’s explanation left me more confused than ever.
