Just before she leaves, she turns to me with watery eyes and says, “I want what’s best for the students here, Cassius. That isalwaysmy priority. You have to believe that.”
I shake my head. Believe her? I’m not even sure I can count her among the good guys anymore.
Eighteen
STEVIE
The look in his eyes is feral, the air crackling like lightning between us, and I know—somehow—that if I let him in tonight, if I let him say what he came here to say, everything between us will change.
For the better or for the worse, I have no idea.
“Please, Stevie,” he says, pain weighing his words. “Let me in.”
The words hang between us in the air, so much more than a simple request to get into my suite.
I step aside.
Baz crosses the threshold.
And then he lets loose.
“I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry for All Hallow’s Eve. It was the middle of the fucking night, and like a total asshole, I let you walk.” He paces my kitchen, pulling his hands through his hair. “It’s my fault you left and went to the library. You were supposed to spend the night, but then we fought over fuckingCarly, of all things. I should’ve just told her to fuck off, but I didn’t, and you were hurt and pissed and you just… you left.”
The reminder of Carly’s interruption of an otherwise blissful night stings, but I douse it. “It was my choice to leave.”
“I should’ve followed you, though,” he says, still pacing like a caged animal.
“Baz—”
“Or just… just made you stay with me so we could talk things out. I didn’t—”
“Baz!” I step in front of him and put my hands on his chest, stopping his fevered pacing. His heart is slamming against his rib cage, his skin hot to the touch. “Look at me. Please.”
He finally glances down, his eyes wild, rimmed in red.
“You should know by now that you can’t make me do anything I don’t want to do,” I say. “That plan would’ve blown up in your face.”
“But I didn’t even try.” He places a hand over mind, his shameful, guilty energy rushing through me. “I let you down, Stevie. I swore to protect you, even before we knew you were one of us, and I let you down.”
I open my mouth to deny it, but I don’t want to lie. Hedidlet me down.
“Yeah, you’re right,” I say, and Baz lowers his hand, taking a step back and folding his arms across his chest. I move forward, closing the space between us again. “But it’s not because we argued that night, or because you couldn’t stop that psychopath from attacking me.”
He shakes his head.
“No? Oh, really? Now you’re going to tell me how I feel? I don’t think so.” I wrap my hands around his arms, waiting for him to meet my eyes again. “Look, jerkface. If you’re going to sacrifice yourself on an altar of guilt, it should at least be for the right reasons.”
At this, he finally looks at me again, and I soften beneath his pained gaze.
“Baz,” I say gently, “you let me down because you didn’t trust me enough to tell me the truth. Maybe you had your reasons, but it still hurt.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispers, his eyes glazing with emotion. “I hate that I hurt you. And that hurt is what drove you out of my arms that night. Out of my bed. And straight to—”
“Stop. You can’t blame yourself for this. Our personal issues aside, the only person at fault for my attack is Phaines. Don’t you get that?”
He turns his back on me and leans forward against the counter, back and shoulder muscles bunching beneath his shirt. It’s all I can do not to go to him, to run my hand down his back, to press a kiss to the back of his neck and whisper in his ear that everything will be okay.
“Baz?”
