“This was a mistake. I shouldn’t have—”
“Oh, no. Don’t shut me out now. You’re here, you started this, and you’d damned well better finish, or I swear I’ll come up with a spell to turn you into a jellyfish.”
“A jellyfish?”
“Call it poetic justice.”
There’s a faint laugh, but then it’s gone.
“You don’t get it, Stevie. Finding you out there that night… All that blood…” His energy spikes, a tsunami of red-hot anger washing away the sadness. “I can’t stop thinking about it. I should’ve been there, and I wasn’t, and seeing you tied up and bleeding… Fuck, Stevie. I thought he’d… I thought you were dead. I can’t get that image out of my mind. And ifIcan’t scrub it… Shit. I can’t even imagine what you’re feeling right now.”
“I won’t lie to you,” I say. “It sucks. I’m still looking over my shoulder, half-expecting that psycho to jump out and grab me again. But Baz…” I finally give in to my instincts and run a hand down his back. He leans into my touch, letting out a soft sigh. “Iwillbe okay,” I say. “And that’s only because you guys found me in time. All we can do now is move forward with our plan and try to keep each other safe.”
He finally turns to face me again, taking my hands and pressing them against his chest. His heart is still jackhammering inside, his skin still hot. “Everything you said about running, about being afraid… Iamafraid. Terrified. Constantly. And I’ve been running from it a lot longer than I’ve known you.”
“I’m sorry.” I slide my arms around him, resting my cheek against his chest, listening to the frenzied beat of his heart.
“You asked me where I stand with you. With us.”
I pull back to look into his eyes, and he cups my face, his thumbs brushing softly against my ears.
“I want to be with you, Little Bird,” he says. “I don’t care what you call it or don’t call it. I don’t care who knows or doesn’t know. No boundaries, a million boundaries, whatever you want. All I know is that for me, there’s only you. I—”
I press my finger to his lips, then stretch up on my tiptoes and steal the kiss I’ve been dreaming about since I saw him in the common room this morning. In my mind’s eye, I see a flash of the meadow—our meadow, our crowns of flowers and thorns, our heat.
Baz moans softly, cupping the back of my head and drawing me closer as he deepens the kiss. I missed the taste of him, the feel of his hands in my hair, the fire his every touch ignites inside me.
Warm, strong hands trail down my back, and I melt into his embrace, only breaking the kiss to listen to his heart again.
“I can’t lose you,” he whispers into my hair.
“You won’t. I’m here. Right here.” I stretch up on my toes for another kiss, but Baz pulls back, shaking his head.
“We can’t, Stevie,” he says softly. “Not until… Not until I say what I came here to say.” Regret and sadness invade his energy, the last of his fiery passion fading into nothingness. “You need to know the truth about me and Carly.”
Nineteen
BAZ
I watch the heat fade from her blue eyes, and for a second I think I’ve just made the biggest fucking mistake of my life.
But then she nods and says, “I’ll make tea,” and the soft smile that follows is enough to chase away most of my fears.
“Make it strong,” I say. “I need it.”
This gets another cute little smirk, and the spark finally returns to her eyes. “I know. I can tell.”
Of course she can.
“You go relax,” she tells me, shooing me into the living room. “I’ll handle this.”
While Stevie mixes up one of her magickal brews, I pace the living room, trying to figure out the best way to tell this fucked-up tale. I’m nowhere near ready by the time she appears, two steaming mugs in hand, but there’s never going to be a good time for this.
I take one of the mugs and join her on the couch, me on one end, Stevie curling up at the other. There are only a few feet separating us, but it might as well be miles. It’s all I can do not to pull her into my arms, to kiss her until she’s breathless again.
But as Stevie looks at me in the dim light, her eyes full of kindness and compassion, I know I can’t back out now.
Closing my eyes, I take a sip of the tea, a sweet and spicy mix that perks me up and gives me just a little more strength to see this through.
