“What, precisely, are you sorry for?”
“That I shared dangerous information—information that could compromise our mission and the safety of all involved—in a public place.” I lower my eyes, cringing inside, already knowing how this next part will go over. But I can’t back down now. Not after everything I shared with Isla and Nat. Not after everything I’ve come to believe. “But—”
“There’s abut?” He explodes again, his face turning the color of the Cauldron at sunrise. “You have the audacity to come in here with abut?”
“Actually, yes. I do.” Drawing on the strength of my friends, of my mother, of every witch who ever stood up for what she believed in, I rise from my chair and face him, ready to do serious battle. “I’m sorry I was careless in public.But… I’m not sorry I opened up to Isla and Nat. They’re my closest friends here, their lives are in danger, and they have a right to know what’s going on.”
I cross my arms over my chest and hold his gaze, waiting for him to explode. To lash out in the worst way possible. To yell and scream, to tear up my Brotherhood membership card and deem me unworthy to walk the halls of this Academy.
But though his eyes blaze, the rage and frustration inside him recede, and Doc finally exhales, raising his hands in a cease-fire.
“Okay, Stevie,” he says, his tone much gentler now. “Obviously you came here with an agenda of some sort. So why don’t you just tell me what’s on your mind?”
“I want you to know that I didn’t share anything about the Brotherhood. I took an oath to keep that secret, and I wouldn’t betray you guys like that. Wearebrothers, after all.”
A look of pride crosses his face, but he quickly schools his features.
“But I did tell them… well… basically everything else. They know about my parents and my work on the prophecies, my visions and nightmares, our fears about the Dark Arcana legends, our search for the arcane objects, and the possibility that all of this magickal danger is connected to the attacks happening outside.”
Doc nods and sits on the edge of his desk, gesturing for me to pass him the tea.
“Like I said, I told them all that stuff because I feel they have a right to know.” I hand over the mug. “But they also want to help us. We’re preparing for a possible war, Doc. Five of us won’t cut it. We need an army of our own.”
“Two first-year witches? That’s hardly an army, Stevie.”
“It’s a start.”
Doc doesn’t respond, but he does sip the tea, his energy immediately relaxing.
Calm the Fuck Down for the win!
“I’d also like to bring in Professor Maddox and Professor Broome,” I say. “They’re allies, Doc. Both believe that Trello is doing us all a huge disservice by keeping things under wraps. And both were close with my mother. Professor Broome even made this necklace for her.” I touch the Eye of Horus at my throat. “You saw them that night at Iron and Bone after the attacks. They’re on our side. They can help us.”
“They can expose us,” he says, shaking his head. “Stevie, I hear what you’re saying—I’ve thought about it myself. I know our numbers are small, but bringing others into this… It’s too risky. They could get hurt, or worse—turn on us, either intentionally or just by letting some crucial bit of intelligence slip to the wrong people. We can’t take that chance.”
“Then we’re taking an evenbiggerchance thinking we have what it takes to battle the Dark Arcana.” I step closer, feeling my own anger simmer. Why can he not see the obvious here? “Not to name-and-shame, Doc, but one of us is still green—i.e.,me—and another is practically over the hill.” I glare at him. “Yes, that would beyou. Frankly, we could use all the help we can get.”
“Snark about my age all you want, Stevie. We simplycan’tinvolve anyone else. This is our responsibility. TheBrotherhood’sresponsibility. No one else’s.”
“Our responsibility is to protect magick, not to die trying.” I step closer, closing the last of the space between us. He’s still holding the tea mug, both hands wrapped around it, and now I reach up and cover his hands with mine, gentling my tone. “We can’t do this alone. It’s gotten too big, even for Arcana Mages. We need to start trusting other people, Doc, or magick is going to fall into the hands of the Dark Arcana and we’re all going to die.”
Doc looks into my eyes, his energy a war zone of conflicting emotions. He knows I’m right, but he’s also terrified. Not just about the battles to come, but for me. Of all the threads weaving through his energy, that’s the heaviest, the brightest, the one I focus on now, trying to understand it.
He’s terrified he’s going to lose me. And if that happens, he won’t be able to live with himself.
The realization knocks something loose inside my chest, and I gasp, my heart skipping a beat.
Doc closes his eyes and shakes his head, pressing his lips together like he’s trying to keep the words locked up.
“Doc,” I say softly, squeezing his hands. “If it were Baz or Ani coming to you with this, or Kirin, would you shut it down so easily?”
He looks up at me again, his gray eyes full of pain and torment, a thousand ghosts floating up between us.
What is it that haunts you?I want to ask.What is this ancient pain?
Doc opens his mouth to speak, then closes it, shaking his head. Instead, he pulls away from me and rises from the desk, going back around to sit on the other side, putting the barrier between us once again.
“You’re right,” he finally says. “I wouldn’t be so quick to shoot down one of the others.”
