Stevie nods, but doesn’t say anything else, the wheels of her mind turning silently behind her eyes.
“That day at the spires,” I say, “you mentioned something about the stories we tell ourselves. How we do it to protect ourselves from pain. But don’t you see now? For me, this isn’t just a story. It’s an actual thing that happened, with real, far-reaching consequences. People got seriously hurt. A witch lost her magick. I lost my career and nearly derailed my sister’s. And worst of all, my family… They never looked at me the same after that. I had to leave, Stevie. There was nothing else to be done.”
“Maybe they just didn’t know what to say.”
“No, Stevie. They knew what to say. They were just too afraid to say it. Too afraid I’d lose my shit again and bring down the house on top of them.”
“You were practically a kid, Kirin. You didn’t even know about your Tower energy. That night was a horrible tragedy, and I’m not trying to minimize this in any way… But it was totally beyond your control.”
“You’re right. It was beyond my control back then because I didn’t know what was happening to me. But now Idoknow, so I have a responsibility to—”
“To cut yourself off?” She looked up at me again, her eyes blazing with fresh anger. “To hide behind your desk and books so you don’t have to take any chances with actual relationships? To push your family away and hope they just, what? Forget about you?”
“You don’t know what it was like. Living with that disappointment, that fear in their eyes. My family suffered because of me. They’restillsuffering. Staying away is the best thing for all of them—believe me.”
I turn away from her, stalk down the path, but she’s hot on my heels.
“Actually, Idon’tbelieve you, Kirin. Because it’s not true.” She grabs my hand again, forcing me to turn around and meet her fiery gaze. “Do you remember what else I told you that day? About how the Tower isn’t just about what falls, but what’s left standing after disaster hits?”
Her touch disarms me, as always.
“What’s worth saving and fighting for,” I echo, recalling her words. “The thing you hold onto when everything else is utterly lost.”
Stevie smiles. “So youdoremember.”
I nod, because I can’t find the words to tell her that what she said, what she made me feel that day… It’s whatI’vebeen holding onto. Most of the time, it’s the only thing getting me through the day.
But still. Compassion may be a balm for a broken heart, but it’s not a time machine. I can’t go back and fix it. I can’t jump into the future and make sure it never happens again.
“You need to reconnect with your family,” she says resolutely. “At least with Casey.”
“Like I said, it’s just easier for them if I—”
“Easier foryou. That’s what you mean.”
“Stevie, I appreciate that you’re trying to help me, but you don’t understand.”
“Maybe not the nuances of your family, but it can’t be that simple, Kirin. Youmatterto people. You matter to me, and I’m only just getting to know you. How could you not matter to them? I can see it in Casey’s eyes every time she looks at you. Whatever happened between you guys—ten years ago or ten days ago—she misses her brother. She’s trying to reconnect, and you keep shutting her down.”
Her words hit the mark, but my walls are going back up again, brick by brick.
“None of that matters now. Casey’s… Casey’s gone.” My voice breaks, and I have to turn away to catch my breath. Because if I look into her blue eyes and find even one more shred of sympathy, I’m going to lose it for good.
“Look at me, Kirin.”
I ignore her, but that infuriating woman stomps around to stand in front of me, grabbing my face between her hands, holding it until I finally meet her gaze.
I brace myself for the worst, but it’s not sympathy I find there.
It’s fury.
“Wewillget Casey back after this,” she snaps. “None of us is giving up on her, and I’m not about to let you do it either. She needs you, now more than ever.”
“You’re making a lot of assumptions, Stevie. Casey and I are about as far apart as two people can be. You say you won’t let me give up on her, but that’s the thing—I gave up on her a decade ago. I can’t just walk into her life and take all of that back. Whatever we had as kids, it’s gone. I destroyed it, because that’s what I do. I’m the fucking Tower.”
Stevie doesn’t back down. She stands tall, jabbing a finger into my chest. “Yeah, you’re the fucking Tower, Kirin. So stop sifting through all that old rubble and build something new.”
“Because it’s that easy, right? Just forget about all the—Stevie?”
