There’s no rest tonight.
An hour after our meeting, the house has fallen silent, but sleep eludes us all. I can feel it; the uncomfortable heaviness of our collective energy permeates the very walls.
Janelle’s is the strongest, furious and frightened even in her unconscious state, her anger simmering up through the floorboards. Her screams stopped hours ago, but whatever caused them still torments her. Does she sense the presence of her daughter, I wonder? Does she even care that Carly’s here?
For all the jokes and snarky comments, Carly herself is broken and confused, her energy a tangle of sharp edges and the deep longing of a child who was never truly loved. From the adjacent bedroom, her soft sobs echo through the wall, despite her best efforts at muffling them. I picture her curled up on the bed, hugging a pillow to her chest, wondering how her own mother could be so cruel and heartless.
Isla and Nat are sharing one of the larger rooms at the other end of the hall, soft candles still burning as they whisper into the night. I feel their relief and gratitude at being here with us, but they’re worried too, unsure how to help prepare for whatever fight we’ve got coming.
Though Professor Maddox said her goodnights, she decided to keep Professor Broome company instead, sitting with her as they watch over Ani like fierce magickal mama bears.
Ani’s energy is faint, but still present, a tiny spot of warmth emanating from the back corner of the house. It gives me hope, and I guard it fiercely, refusing to let it fade.
And lastly, I reach out for the energy of my stern, commanding Dr. Devane, pacing alone in his bedroom, stewing in a cocktail of self-loathing, fear, and blame. I wish I could tell him to let it all go, but that would make me a hypocrite; his agony is a mirror image of my own emotional torment.
I lean against the wall of my new bedroom, my heart aching with every beat. Since we found Ani half-conscious in my suite, Doc and I have been like the tides on the shore—racing toward each other in a breathless rush, only to recede again, growing further apart with each passing wave.
Despite all the confusion and mixed signals, despite the uncertainty of Ani’s situation and the mystery of what lies ahead, it’s my tortured, enigmatic professor I seek out now, when I’ve run out of floors to pace and worries to ponder.
It’s him I seek out now, when I need the firm challenge of his rules and regulations on a night when I’m in danger of becoming completely unmoored.
It’s him I seek out now, hoping—despite everything—he might bend those rules for me even once, giving himself over to the passion burning behind his every distant, measured word.
I miss him. I need him. Whatever we are to each other, whatever our future holds, I know it isn’t this—two Arcana blessed souls passing like ships in the night, refusing to acknowledge their feelings.
Or act on them.
“This is bullshit,” I mutter. “And it ends tonight.”
Dressed in a long button-down flannel and the hoodie Baz gave me the night he saved me from the river, I pad down the hallway to Doc’s room, determined to lay it all out, once and for all.
His door is ajar, and I push it open another crack, peering into the darkness. The lights are off and the room is dead silent, but the antique iron bed is unoccupied, the pillows and comforter undisturbed.
“Doc?” I whisper. “You in here?”
I feel him before I see him, the warm rush of his energy caressing my skin—happiness that I’m here. Affection. Desire. Concern.
“Has there been a change?” he asks. “Is he awake?”
I follow the sound of his voice to the big window that overlooks the sprawling backyard, my eyes finally picking out the dark shape of him before the glass. He’s still wearing his usual dress pants, but now he’s shirtless, his muscular arms and shoulders limned in moonlight.
“No change,” I say, following the lines down to his hips, where the pants hang low and inviting. “Professor Broome said the sedative she made will keep him unconscious a few more days. She’s hoping it will give his body more time to heal while his soul tries to come back.”
Doc turns from the window to face me, his features lost in shadow. He pauses a beat, then finally sighs. “Come in, Stevie.”
I do as he asks, closing the door behind me. Alone in the dark once again, I’m reminded of his other bedroom back on campus, the closeness we shared before Harvest Eve dinner. How is it possible it was only several hours ago? Goddess, it seems like another lifetime.
I wait a moment for my eyes to fully adjust, then join him by the window, looking out across the backyard. The house is part of a larger neighborhood owned by Arcana Academy, but this one is set further back, tucked into the shadows away from the other homes. Outside, the desert scrub stretches on forever, the saguaros turned deep blue in the moonlight. For a moment, I allow myself to think of home.
Talk about another lifetime…
“Are you okay?” he asks softly, the scent of whiskey lingering on his breath.
I press my finger to the windowpane, tracing an outline of the tallest saguaro. Goddess, I told myself I’d be strong. That I’d keep my shit together, at least until we got Ani back from the realm. But Doc’s soft voice, his concerned energy, the constant push-and-pull between us… It’s all too much.
“I’m barely holding on, Doc,” I admit.
The tide surges, and he’s close again, reaching out for me, drawing me into his impossibly strong embrace, pressing his lips to the top of my head. Warmth floods my limbs, and I let myself go boneless as I lean into him, trusting the smooth, strong planes of his chest. Trusting that he won’t let me fall.
