“You looked heartbroken,” I say softly. “I’ll never forget it.”
“Honestly? Iwasheartbroken. I had no friends to speak of. My parents were too busy devising ways to hurt each other to bother with me. All I really wanted was someone to play X-Box with.”
“Someone to teach youhowto play, more like.” I smile, remembering how terrible she was at that racing game and all the others. “It took months of training to make you an evenremotelyworthy opponent.”
“Hey!” Carly laughs. “For your information, I totally let you win.”
“Right. Feeling sorry for the orphan, I get it.”
“Something like that.” She crosses over to me and takes my hand, holding it in both of hers. I flinch at first, but I don’t pull away. For once, the gesture doesn’t feel like a scheme, and when she looks up and meets my eyes again, I know that whatever she says next is going to be the truth, whether I’m ready for it or not.
“You asked me if I love you,” she says, “and you wanted honesty. Well, here it is, Baz Redgrave. Yes, I love you. I’ve loved you since that moment in my parents’ basement when you picked up the game controller, sat down on the couch next to me, and asked me what level we were on.”
I don’t know what I expected, but the bare truth of her confession pokes at something soft and tender inside me.
Goddess, I wish I didn’t have to hurt her. For all her bullshit, she really did deserve better. Better from her parents. Better from her friends. Better from me. But she didn’t get that, and I can’t give it to her now either.
“I never meant to hurt you, Carly. I just don’t feel the same way. I—”
“Oh, I’m not done.” She glares at me, squeezing my hand. “I’ve loved you—stilllove you—as the boy who saved me from loneliness. As the boy who looked out for me even when no one was looking out for him. I loved you as my big brother then, and I love you as my big brother now. Nothing more.”
I gape at her, all the oxygen in the room evaporating, spinning me in circles until it finally sets me upright again.
“I don’t… What?” I ask.
“Okay, you’re obviously having a hard time processing the fact that a woman in your presence doesn’t have romantic feelings for you, so let me spell it out a little more clearly. I love you, but I’m notinlove with you, Baz. I’veneverbeen in love with you.” She smiles up at me, but it’s sad as hell. “To tell you the truth, I’m pretty sure I don’t even like guys, but that’s a story for another day—assuming we live that long.”
My jaw hits the ground.
None of this makes any sense. No, not because I can’t bear the thought of a woman not falling head over heels in my presence. But because for years, Carly was damn near banging a drum on the campaign trail, telling everyone with ears she was my girlfriend. That I was off-limits. That she and I were quote-unquotemeant to be.
“You okay there, champ?” She releases my hand and slaps me lightly on the cheek. “You look a little pale.”
“Carly, I just… If you don’t have feelings for me like that, why torment Stevie? Why act like a raving psycho around any woman who’s ever shown an interest? Why tell your parents we’re together? Your mother thought I was cheating on you with Stevie. She threatened to tell you about it and fuck with my brother…” I pull out of her grasp and pinch the bridge of my nose, trying to make ashredof sense of a moment that has completely run away from me. “So now you’re basically admitting that you were, what? Just petty and jealous? You didn’t want me having other female friends? That’s it?”
“Nothing could be farther from the truth, Baz.”
“Then whatisthe truth? That’s what I’m trying to understand. Goddess, Carly. There’s a witch upstairs right now that I’m fuckingcrazyin love with. So crazy, I’m about to throw myself on her feet and beg her forgiveness for everything I’ve put her through this week alone. And you tormented her formonths!”
“I know. I’m sorry. I just—”
“Why? Why would you do that? Just for kicks?”
She shakes her head, fresh tears tracking down her cheeks.
“All right, Carly. You win. I’m not going to kill your psycho mother. I’ll go upstairs and drink my tea like a good little mage. But you and me? This bullshit? The games? We’re done. Not friends. Not pseudo-siblings. Nothing.” I turn my back on the Kirkpatrick women, more than ready to leave this bullshit in the rearview. But before I can take a single step, Carly grabs my hand again, stopping me in my tracks.
She steps in front of me and puts her hands on my chest, looking up with eyes so suddenly haunted, the sight sends a chill to my very bones.
“Wait. Just wait. I need to say this. I…” Carly takes a deep breath, then curls her fingers into fists against my chest, her voice dropping to a whisper. “I know, Baz. I know what she did to you.”
Even at a whisper, the words slam into me one at a time, like tiny wrecking balls to the gut.
I
Know
What
