She
Did
To
You…
I don’t have to ask her what she means. I don’t think I can handle hearing her spell it out, either.
Shame rushes through my body, making me hot and itchy and pissed off all over again. I turn my back on her, not wanting her to see the truth in my eyes. The confirmation. The disgust.
“It was the only way I could think of to stop her,” she continues. “I thought if Mom believed we were together—that I loved you—maybe she’d let you go. Maybe she’d stop doing… everything she did. But it turns out my mother didn’t love either one of us enough for that. She’s just a selfish, evil bitch…”
She’s rambling, but the words don’t even make sense. My head is spinning again, my ears ringing, my brain reshaping itself to try to make room for this.
All this time, Carly was trying to protect me from Janelle.
All this time, she knew. And she had to live with it too, just like I did. The secrets and shame. The disgust. The unspoken agreement that her father could never find out. The burning fear of the monster in the house—one we could never defeat, because this monster fed us and clothed us and put a roof over our heads and went by the name of Mom.
“I should’ve done more,” Carly says. “I should’ve told someone, or… I don’t know. Something. I’m so sorry, Baz. I didn’t know how else to—”
“It’s not your fault.” I head over to the cot again, staring down at the monster we lived with for so long, her jaw swollen, her mouth hanging slack. “I don’t accept your apology, Carly, because it’s not yours to make. It’s not your fucking fault.”
“It’s not your fault, either. It never was.” She comes to stand on the other side of the cot, glaring at her mother with the same contempt I feel. “I get why you want her dead, Baz. I want her dead too.”
“Then why the fuck are you working so hard to save her?”
“She’s not the one I’m trying to save.” She glances up and meets my gaze. “If you want to do this, I can’t stop you. Hell, part of me wants to just stand aside and tell you to go for it. It’s not like she deserves to live.”
“You should listen to that part. It’s the smart half.”
“Baz, killing someone, even if they deserve it… Itwilldestroy you, inside and out. You don’t need to be clairsentient to know that.”
I open my mouth to argue, but she’s right. Taking someone’s life? There’s a cost, and it’s a hell of a lot heavier than just going to jail.
I don’t have to climb very far up the family tree for a shining example ofthatlittle truism.
“You don’t have to talk to me about this,” she says. “Not now, not tomorrow, not ever. But there’ssomeoneyou should open up to—if and when you’re ready.” She wipes the last of the tears from her eyes and offers a soft smile. “Stevie loves you, Baz. She may have terrible taste in fashion, and we definitely have our differences—and also, what is going on with thathair? Seriously. But… but I’ve never doubted how much she cares about you. And you’re obviously in it to win it with her, so if I were you, I’d commence the throwing-oneself-upon-her-feet thing as soon as possible. Witches like Stevie don’t come around more than once in a lifetime.”
“Carly. Did you just… did you say something decent about Stevie?” I crack a smile. “Now Iknowthe world is ending.”
“If you tell her, I’ll deny it.”
“I would expect nothing less.”
She returns my smile, and in her eyes, something softens.
An understanding passes between us.
Everything about this day has sucked.
But this… She brought a little light back in.
“Thank you,” I whisper.
“Yeah, yeah. Go talk to your girl, jerk-off.” She glances down again at the breathing corpse she once called her mother, her lip curling. “I’ve got a few things I need to get off my chest here.”
“As much as I’d love to go talk to my girl, Idon’tlove the idea of leaving you alone down here. You sure you’re okay with her?”
