I don’t need to spell it out. Casey knows I’m referring to her APOA induction ceremony in London—the night I lost control of my Tower energy and demolished a hotel, paralyzed my grandfather, and injured scores more.
That night, I destroyed my career and sidelined Casey’s dreams, causing a rift in my family that’s never been repaired.
I don’t have the strength to look up from my coffee, but I feel my sister’s eyes on me, quietly assessing, likely wondering what—if anything—she should say to my admission.
I blow out a breath, sending a soft ripple across the coffee. As badly as I want to, I still can’t find the words to address this head-on.
To well and truly apologize for what I did—that night and after, when I walked out on my family, too broken and ashamed to face them. To let them continue to love me.
Shame burns through my chest, but I deserve that much. Casey hasn’t bolted yet—she’s remained by my side through all of this Academy and Dark Arcana craziness. The least I can do is sit here with my discomfort and let her judge me. She’s certainly earned the right.
Casey sighs, and I brace for the attack, expecting her to go right for the jugular like she always does.
You never even said goodbye…
“How did she take it?” she asks instead, surprising me.
At the unexpected kindness in her voice, I chance a quick glance across the table. The same kindness shines in her eyes.
“She basically told me I needed to get my head out of my ass,” I reply.
Casey lets out a quiet laugh. “Knowing what I know of her, yeah, I can totally picture that.”
“Well, she didn’t use thoseexactwords. She justveryfirmly reminded me the Tower isn’t just about what crumbles, but what’s left standing in the aftermath. What’s worth fighting for. Then she told me to stop sifting through the old rubble and build something new instead.”
“Wise words.” Casey sips her coffee, watching me over the rim of her mug. “So, is that what you’re doing now? Building something new?”
“I… yeah. I guess. I’m trying. Still getting the hang of it though. It’s a complicated procedure, removing one’s head from one’s ass.”
“Especiallyyourhead. That thing is huge.”
Another laugh bubbles up from inside her, and this time I return it.
When it fades away, we sit in silence a few moments, sipping our coffee and listening to the sounds of Agent Quintana’s light snoring. Eventually, Casey gets up to grab the coffee pot.
“It’s pretty easy to see why you fell so hard for her,” she says, returning to top off our mugs. “She’s amazing, Kirin. Fierce as hell too.”
“Yeah,thatpart reminds me of someone else I know.” I hold her gaze, still trying to find the right words.
There’s just so much to say, and so much ground to cover, so much lost time to make up for.
Everything is a jumble inside my head, so in the end, I blurt out the first coherent words I can string together. “Thank you.”
“Thank Quintana. He made the coffee. Then the poor guy fell asleep before it was even ready.”
“I mean… Thank you for… for not giving up on me. For not walking away when I’ve given you every reason to do just that.”
She turns away from me and crosses the kitchen, returning the pot to the coffee maker. Keeping her back to me, she says softly, “Does that mean you want me to stick around?”
“It means… it means I’ve got a lot of shit pent up inside—shit I’ve been wrestling with for years. It’s not just going to disappear overnight. I fucked up, I was hurt, I hurt you and Derrick and Mom and Dad and everyone else I love, and I…” The admissions burn their way through me, dark memories threatening to pull me under. But after a long pause, I take a deep breath and the pain finally eases, allowing me to say what I should’ve said years ago. “I don’t know, Case. I guess what I’m trying to say is… Yeah, I want you to stick around. If not here physically, here in my life. I know I have a lot to make up for. I’m willing to work to earn your forgiveness. I’d really like it if you’d give me that chance.”
I look up from my mug, and Casey finally turns around, tears painting her cheeks. “Forgiveness isn’t something you need to work for. Believe it or not, my forgiving you doesn’t eveninvolveyou. That choice is all on me—and it’s one I made a long time ago. I’ve already forgiven you.” She wipes away her tears with the heels of her hands, then takes the seat across from me again. “But forgiveness doesn’t mean forgetting. It doesn’t mean things automatically go back to normal.”
I nod, lowering my gaze again. “No, I suppose not.”
Casey blows out a breath. “Then again, what the fuck is normal anyway?”
This time, I’m the one laughing. “You’re asking a guy who can demo a building with little more than a bad mood? A guy who’s the emanation of the Tower card, in love with the Star, in some kind of relationship with the Moon, the Sun, and the Devil?”
