I look and see my gas tank is half full. I really need to pay attention to what I’m doing. Not that it really matters, but still. You need to know where you are, moron!
“You there, Micky?” my brother asks. I hadn’t said anything. He hadn’t asked or said anything for me to respond to.
“I’m here.”
“Do you want to come to Atlanta and stay with me?”
After my brother graduated from college, he moved to Atlanta. There was a mini tech boom happening there, and he got a job at a big technology company. I love Atlanta, and I love my brother. But I don’t trust him right now. No, that isn’t it; it isn’t about trust. I just… I don’t know if he’d be able to keep Mom away, and I really need to be as far from her as possible. After Dad died, all Jack did was defend Mom. And I can’t take that right now.
“I think I just need to be alone. I need to be by myself for a while.” I’m resigned to my reality.
“Do you need money?”
I sigh, grateful he isn’t arguing with me this time.
“I…” shit. I hadn’t thought about money! Fucking money! I had a little saved up from when I worked. But I’d taken the summer off to focus on studying for the boards. It was now the beginning of August, and I was ready to schedule my appointment to take the NCLEX.
“Micky, I’ll send you money. Don’t stay in shit-hole motels, okay? Find a Courtyard or something, and text me wherever you are. Understand?” Jack asks.
I nod, then roll my eyes at myself when I realize he can’t see me! “Yes, okay. Thanks.”
“I’m sorry,” he whispers. “I thought you were being dramatic.”
“Even after Raquel told you about the Fourth of July?”
Mom had invited over some random guys I didn’t know. Not just one guy, but several.
We live on Lake Washington, and my friends and I decided to take the boat out to get away from her. Instead, she invited the sleazy guys onto the boat and then proceeded to get drunk and fell over, into the lake.
I freaked out because we were moving! I was driving, so I stopped, and Cody and his friend Justin jumped into the lake and got her out. She was too drunkto even notice the giant bruise on her thigh.
Raquel had called Jack and told him what had happened, but he just argued with her about her being overly cautious, saying she doesn’t know how to have fun.
Nothing about that day had been fun. And it only solidified my resolve that Jack was firmly in Mom’s camp.
I hear Jack take a deep breath on the other end of the phone. “Mom’s not handling Dad’s death well.” I hear him clear his throat and my eyes well with that familiar ache in my chest. “I knew she wasn’t doing well, but I hadn’t realized it was this bad. I thought since she was working that she was just going through a rough patch.”
“Jack, she checked out as soon as Dad got sick,” I tell him over the phone. I told him that two years ago, but again, he didn’t believe me.
“What can I do?” he asks, and now I can hear it. Shit!
I flip the signal on my car and pull off at the exit ahead. I see a sign for a Best Western Hotel. It’s after ten o’clock at night. I’m tired and hungry and really need to move my ass, anyway. And driving while crying is definitely not a good idea.
“Jack.” I put the car in park. “I’m going to be okay. I just… I don’t know what to do about Mom. I just can’t be near her right now.” I feel so frustrated.
“I know! I’m so sorry, Micky. I can’t even believe she did that!” He chokes out. “What’s wrong with her?” he asks as though I have the answer.
“I don’t know. And right now, I want nothing to do with her,” I say. “I’m sorry if that upsets you, but I have to focus on myself right now. I can’t worry about her when she clearly doesn’t give a shit about me.”
“I’m here for you. And I realize now that I wasn’t being fair to you. I know you did a lot for Dad. Fuck, I miss him.” My brother chokes out a sob, and I feel my tears stream down my cheeks. “I just miss him.”
“I’m here too. You can always call me when you miss him. Night or day. Just call me, okay?” I wipe my face with my shirtsleeves and sniffle.
“You at a hotel now?”
“Yes, a Best Western. I’m going to check in. I need something to eat, and I need to walk on a treadmill after sitting on my ass for four hours. I think my ass is actually numb,” I say, opening my door.
Jack chuckles. “Good. I just deposited some money into your account. Just let me know when you need more. I’m sorry, Micky. If you change your mind, you can always come here.”
