“Mom, I don’t know what you want from me,” I say honestly. “Why are you even calling me?”
“Because I’m your mother. I’ve been worried sick not knowing where you’ve been. You run away like some spoiled teenager, all because your boyfriend cheats on you, like somehow, I’m to blame. Now I hear you have some random boyfriend you’ve met who sounds like a real winner,” she says sarcastically.
I look at Caine and quirk a brow.
“Mom, I think I have my answer,” I say quietly.
My face is as hot as fire! My eyes sting. If I don’t hang up now, I’m gonna lose it!
“Answer to what?” she barks into the phone.
“I’ll be blocking you from my phone and will be disconnecting from you entirely. I will not continue to be subjected to this.” Tears begin to fall. I look skyward and blink rapidly, trying to hold them back, but they won’t stop. The pressure in my chest is so strong I almost can’t breathe.
“You can’t seriously blame me for Cody!” she yells.
“You have to be the most selfish, self-centered gaslighter of all time. I could give two shits about Cody. You’re my mother. You! You fucked my boyfriend, and if you say you did me a favor, I’ll laugh in your face. You haven’t been my mother for four years. You cheated on Dad as soon as he got sick and did nothing to help care for him. You fucking Cody was just the last straw. I’m done!”
“Mikayla!” she yells. “I…”
Caine grabs the phone and hits the end button. I look at him, and when I meet his eyes, a loud sob rips out of my chest, and I just lose all control.
In a blink of an eye, I’m in his arms, crying like a crazy person. I cling to his shirt, my hands in fists as I let all of it out. The only sounds are the birds chirping and me bawling my eyes out.
My father.
He’s the face in my heart, and I can feel his disappointment like a heavy cloud over me. But I can’t do it! I can’t accept her theway he did. I can’t take what, in my view, is abuse!
The vitriol, the gaslighting, the lies. I just don’t have the energy for any of it. And I feel as though my father has died all over again!
Once the intensity of my emotions ebb, I really feel how close Caine is holding me, rocking me from side to side. I breathe him in.
“I’ll be okay,” I whisper.
I let his shirt go and wrap my arms around his middle.
“I’m sorry,” he says softly.
I’m overflowing with emotions, like Mount St. Helens erupting. It’s not a slow stream of lava coming out of me. It’s an explosion of ash ripping me apart. Logic.
Where in the hell was my head when I thought calling my mother was a good idea. I have absolutely no clue what he’s apologizing for and the irrational part of my brain that’s already on high alert starts flashing alarm bells in my head.
I nod my head and let him go, moving away from him. It’s painful. I physically ache when I remove my body from his embrace, but I won’t beg someone to want me. And the worst part of it is that I get why he wouldn’t want to be with someone like me. I’m a disaster. My family is broken, just tatters of what it was before my father died. My brother and I have barely started talking again, and who knows how he’ll react now that I have done this. We could very well go back to the way we were before, and I’ll be even more alone. I’ll have nothing.
I don’t have a job, money, or anywhere to live. I’m leeching off my brother’s kindness. I’m homeless and broken. I have nothing to offer this man.
Caine is already established. He has a career. He easily stepped into the role of managing this ranch, training riders. He was a success before, and he will continue to be because he’s got it together. He has a solid family. I’m just a fucking succubus of a human.
I force myself to stand and nod my head again. I don’t have anything left in me. There’s no fight. There’s only acceptance. I can’t look at him. I can barely breathe over the fist squeezing my throat. If I see his face, the pity, the disgust, it will take the last shreds of my soul from me and that I will not give in to.
I’m not weak. I will rebuild. I will come out of this, even if it means being alone.
I turn away from him and walk toward the clearing. My head feels heavy, but I force one foot in front of the other. All remnants of my earlier hunger is gone. The grief takes hold of my body, stealing my joy. And now I feel empty. And now Caine… just the idea of food now… I can’t.
I’ll walk back to the house, get my shit, and call an Uber. Jack will help me. I know he will. He will, even if he hates me. At least I know that much.
“Mikayla!” Caine yells out, but I don’t stop moving.
I don’t need an explanation or excuses for why he doesn’t want me. I don’t have it in me to hear him tell me that it’s him, not me, when I know the truth.
