"You're insane!" She struggled between her laughing bout, but I didn't smile. I was going to fucking kill him one way or another, I just thought…maybe she’d want to know about it. "Oh shit, you're serious?" Jade’s laughter died down abruptly once she clued in that this wasn't a joke.
We sat on the couch in front of each other, her hand in mine, my eyes on hers, my soul now firmly in her custody.
"That’s the second time you say that tonight, but…no one deserves for their life to be taken."
Damn, even after everything, she refused to turn cruel—her moral compass was unwavering. Some peopleabsolutelydeserved for their lives to be taken.
“Malyshka, hehurtyou.”
I felt stupid trying to convince her—she knew it better than I did, but she couldn’t taste the sweet nectar of revenge. Yet. “And that wasn’t all of it, was it? Tell me I’m wrong.”
Her hand turned clammier with every passing second. She wasnervous.So I tightened my grip on her fingers, just slightly, just enough to show that I was there for her.
Not dominating, no. She was in control.
“You’re not wrong,” Jade whispered with the wine glass at her lips. “I just…want to take the rest to the grave.”
I hated myself for starting this conversation, but unexpectedly, Jade shuffled closer. Her cheeks were flushed, and I couldn’t tell if it was the wine, this conversation, or the fact thatwe were still holding hands.
"I feel like..." she started, picking her words carefully. I remained still, afraid to spook whatever she wanted to say. "When another man touches me next...” An electric current ran through me and my gaze locked with hers, hoping all my thoughts weren’t spelled out on my face. “He’ll just have to…I don't know..." Oh fuck, oh fuck, what?! Tell me, Jade,tell me."Be very…delicate." The word barely made it past her lips, but I heard it. Every single sound.
Delicate.
"At the same time, I'm not defined by what happened.” She swallowed, her fingers tightening around mine. “I don’t know. Maybe I just need...a different approach."
I swear, if a nuclear bomb had been dropped outside the window, I wouldn't have noticed and a diabolical idea crawled into my head right at that very moment.
My gaze flicked to our wine glasses—she had about half a glass of wine and a few sips of her margarita earlier. Enough to do a scary thing without regrets.
"Jade?"
This was risky. She could tell me to fuck off and that would be painful and awkward, and I would probably deserve it.
"In Russian," I cleared my throat, suddenly feeling extremely foolish for starting all this, but there was no backing down now, “we have this expression…svoya ruka—vladyka.It means…your own hand is the master."
The way her eyes sparkled told me she caught on immediately.
"It means you’re the boss..." Fuck it, now I restarted drinking and shot back the whole wine glass. "You have all the power. You decide what you want. You put your interests…first.”
I leaned forward slightly and Jade didn’t retreat.
“So, maybe you just need to experience a touch that’s yours, delicate and familiar but...with a man who has enough self-restraint to respect your boundaries."
I was sure the gates of hell would open and swallow me after this proposition. We sat on the couch in the silent house, only the ocean waves whooshing somewhere outside, oblivious to the unfolding situation.
It took time for her to find her voice, but I stayed quiet while I waited, my mind overrun with scenarios of what could happen.
"Are you asking me...” She came a tiny bit closer and I could see the way her pupils dilated. “To touch myself…while you give me instructions?" She explained it perfectly. "Not touching me? Just letting me enjoy myself? Let go of any doubt and fear…in the presence of a man?"
Yes, we were on the same page.
"Yes," I breathed out, eagerly awaiting her decision.
Jade chewed her lip, thinking it over. "How do I know that you’ll restrain yourself? And not cross that boundary...if it all becomes too much for you?"
Damn, Jade, valid question.She was definitely a lawyer—covering all her bases before committing to anything.
"You don't know for sure. There’s nothing in life that’s for sure. You’ll have to trust me. That's the hardest part."
