“Well, hopefully she will. She’s playing hard to get. She’s been hurt in the past, I can tell, and it’s obvious she has her walls up. She doesn’t trust me.”
“What are you saying?” She swatted my arm. “Of course she will. Show her all of who you are, and she will never leave your side. I swear it.”
I sighed. “It’s complicated. She isn’t a part of our world. She’s the mayor’sdaughter.”
Mammatutted as if that wasn’t a problem at all. I smiled, feeling my heart expand because this was the woman I knew. The one who believed love conquered all. “You’ll make her a part of your world. If she’s the one, it will be.”
A knock came, and Liliana poked her head around, carrying a tray with two mugs of coffee. “Good morning,Nonna. I’ve brought you andZioSani a drink.”
“Grazie, dear,”Mammasaid with a soft smile that didn’t reach her eyes as she watched Lili set the mugs down on the table. There was a flicker of familiarity in her eyes, but it was clear she was struggling to place her. I nodded my thanks to Lili before she left, andMammacontinued to stare at the door with a quizzical expression. I swallowed, picking up my mug to take a sip to avoid having to confront the fact thatMammacouldn’t remember the name of her first grandchild.
“Liliana makes great coffee,” I said, placing it down on the table.Mamma’shead snapped towards me, and a slow smile spread.
“Liliana,” she repeated as it clicked back into place.“Si. She does. She’s a good girl.”
We sat and talked for a while longer before I suggested we take a walk around the gardens to get some fresh air. Even though I’d only seen her two weeks ago, I was sent spiralling when I noticed she seemed more unstable on her feet. I tucked her arm in my elbow, and we took one slow lap around the garden, stopping so she could admire the flowers every so often. When we got back to the house, she seemed exhausted and said she wanted to lie down for a while, so I helped her into bed, removing her shoes and tucking her in.
“I love you,Mamma,” I whispered in her hair as I leaned down to kiss her head.
“I love you too,Tesoro. You’re not leaving, are you?”
“No. I’ll come back later after you’ve rested.”
That seemed to settle her, and I slipped out of the room to find Raya tidying the living room, stacking magazines, and picking up the two empty mugs we’d left. She had her earphones in, listening to classical music, no doubt, and I watched her for a few seconds, studying her. Liv was right. Something was wrong. She looked shattered. Dark circles curved under her eyes.
She froze when she spotted me, then removed her earphones and rushed over. I embraced her as she buried her head in my chest and held her tight.
“You okay,Sorrelina?”
To my horror, her body began to shake, and my shirt became damp as she cried silently into my chest.
“Va bene, va bene,”I soothed, every muscle in my body tensing because I knew it had taken a lot for Raya to reach the point of breaking down. She was the type to suffer in silence until she physically couldn’t hold it in any more, or until I pestered her so much that she gave in and told me what was bothering her. Sothis was bad. “What’s wrong?”
My mind spun with all the possibilities. Was this just aboutMamma? Or had someone hurt her? Upset her in some way? Was it a man? I’d fucking wring his neck if any fucker had upset her. No, Gio would never allow that to happen under his roof. She was safe here.
She suddenly wrenched herself out of my arms and wiped her face with the sleeves of her baby-blue cashmere jumper. “Sorry. I’m fine. I just got overwhelmed seeing you.”
“Don’t bullshit me, Raya,” I said, grabbing her shoulders and pulling her back into my arms. She wrapped hers around my waist, and we stood like that for a few more minutes until she seemed calmer, though I felt more agitated than ever. “Talk to me.”
“Things have just been… really shitty. I miss you, that’s all,” she mumbled, and the boulder-sized stone of guilt slammed back into my chest. I didn’t know guilt could be physical pain until recently. Not only guilt for not visitingMammaenough, but also for not visiting Raya. I never meant for her to feel abandoned when I moved to Rome and took on the underboss position, but I knew she did. Maybe I’d let her rely on me too much growing up. Or maybe I was too protective of her. Either way, she was drowning here without me, and I hated it.
“Why don’t you come and stay with me in Rome for a while?” I suggested as we took a seat on the sofas.
She shook her head. “I won’t leaveMamma.”
“Liv and Gio think it might be time to get some hired help. Maybe they’re right—”
“No,” she snapped, shaking her head furiously. Her long ringlets danced across her face. “I can manage. I don’t want a stranger looking afterMamma.”
“Soraya, don’t be stubborn. You look as if you haven’t slept in days.”
“Do you think I’m failing?” she argued, her hazel eyes snapping up to glare at me. “Do you think I can’t take care of her? How about a thank you instead of a lecture, Sani? You sound just like Gio.”
“Gio is only looking out for you. He can see you’re struggling, and he wants to help. We all want what’s best for her and for you.”
As if he had a radar for sensing when the most emotionally charged moments were unfolding so he could interrupt, the door opened, and Gio strolled in, with Elenora on a video call. He quickly scanned the room as he walked towards me, gave me a brief greeting, and then asked where our mother was.
“Sleeping,” I answered as he took a seat in a chair opposite us and propped the phone on the coffee table.
